shehzad.ghias – The Express Tribune Blog

“They say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” - Banksy

Sabeen, the person, is no longer with us. Sabeen, the idea, will live on. Sabeen will never die twice. Sabeen is dead, long live Sabeen. Every society has people an entire generation looks up to; these pillars of society make it what it is. Sabeen was an institution. Her contributions to the country are monumental, and they will never be forgotten. In a country that does not even have words for the concept of a public space, Sabeen created a place for people to come talk, debate, discuss, perform and love. Her enthusiasm and self-determination pushed us all in believing in our dreams; believing in a better future for tomorrow. I started a fledgling youth-based theatre company with aspirations for social change in 2010. It may seem only half a decade ago but there was no bustling theatre scene in Karachi back then. Only the biggest corporations could afford to put up shows at the Arts Council, thus the only shows being performed were mega musicals. I tried competing with them for turf space, and I failed. My dream was in tatters, and then I was introduced to Sabeen. I sent her an email as a complete stranger asking to use her space to put up socially relevant plays. She said yes. And for eight weeks, we put up theatre workshops and performances discussing gender discrimination, blasphemy laws, and terrorism amongst other things. Through theatre, we were able to have conversations around issues traditionally considered taboo in our country. How much did I have to pay to do all that? Nothing. Today, as I sit here in Brooklyn completing my Masters in Theatre reading the outpour of love for Sabeen on my news feed, I realised how many ducklings were allowed to flourish in the space Sabeen created. Under her mentorship and support, an entire arts scene started flourishing in the city. The Acting Wheel, the Debating Circuit and countless other ideas would have been relegated to the shelf if it weren’t for Sabeen. The entire stand-up and improv comedy community in Pakistan owes so much to Sabeen. She allowed us to perform shows when we could not afford to book any other space. It is not just the arts; T2F has served as a cultural institution to impact all aspects of the lives of the people of Karachi. The Lyari Youth Cafe is just one example of how brightly Sabeen’s light shone across the city. We believed we could do things because Sabeen told us we could. A friend of mine was able to go to university because Sabeen spoke to her parents. She wasn’t just a mentor; she was a friend, a confidant, a comrade in our battle against the ills of our society, leading from the front. We were comfortable because we knew we could walk in her shadow. Hope – that is what Sabeen gave all of us. In a Facebook message shared on Facebook, Sabeen tells an individual inquiring about safety at the ‘Unsilencing Balochistan’ event that,

“Ab ye hai ke Bismillah kar ke qadam bharanay ka waqt hai.” (Now is the time to say Bismillah and march forward.)

Upon hearing the news, I was devastated. All hope was gone. There was not going to be a better tomorrow. We had lost the lighthouse, and now we were destined to be lost souls at sea. As I read back Sabeen’s words, I find my courage again. Even after leaving us, Sabeen has a way to inspire us. Sabeen would not have wanted us to give up now. We will never be able to fill her void but “ab ye hai ke Bismillah kar ke qadam bharanay ka waqt hai”. We can either sit in silence, let them dictate and let the terrorists win. Or we can make a vow to ourselves to honour Sabeen’s memory like she would have wanted to. Let us be under no illusions, we all know why Sabeen was targeted. Let us first have the courage to unequivocally state that Sabeen was not targeted after “attending a seminar” at T2F. She was targeted and shot dead for organising a talk on Balochistan. The same talk that LUMS was forced to cancel. She was silenced for trying to un-silence Balochistan. While we sit in the National Assembly and debate the merits of a Cyber gag bill, we see the price of freedom of speech in our country; the blood of the ones we love. We pay for our freedom with our lives. If this is a glimpse of what life is like for people in Balochistan, I admire the courage of every single Baloch that continues to live, breathe and speak in this lawless land. One loss has left me broken. I can only imagine how you find the courage every day to assemble yourself to have enough breath left to take the next step; just enough. My mother called me after the incident and told me to be careful.

“Being courageous in Pakistan is foolish”, she said.

I agree, it is foolish, which is why we must do it. If it was easy to be courageous, we would all find our voices. It is hard, which is why we need the courage to un-silence the unspoken of, the unheard of, and the unseen. Sabeen Mahmud, this is my promise to you, and the people who targeted you – I will not let your light shine any less bright. I will not cower in fear. I will not be silenced. They threatened you, they targeted you, they tried to silence you, but you showed courage. Now, I must do the same. If I ever feel myself losing hope or courage, I will remind myself #IAmSabeen, and for that I must carry on. Thank you so much for everything. Your existence has meant so much more than you could have imagined. If you could only come back for a while to see the outpour of love, courage, and hope you left behind, you will know that everything you did meant so much to all of us. If only you could see everything, you will know that you did not die in vain. Today, we mourn, but from tomorrow, we will hold the flag you left behind and keep marching on. We will continue to fight on. We will take on those who we are not allowed to criticise. We would amplify our voices after every gag order.

Waise bhi, ab darne ka waqt thori hai. Ab toh Bismillah kar ke qadam bharanay ka waqt hai. (After all, this is not the time to be scared. This is the time to say Bismillah and march forward.)

And this is my Bismillah.

At school, I was the student that was every teacher’s worst nightmare. I questioned everything, I disobeyed flagrantly, I mimicked and ridiculed my peers but I managed to always do well in tests. My school faced a terrible dilemma while registering me for my GCE O Levels; my disciplinary record warranted a suspension from school but they knew I would secure the grades that would enhance the school’s reputation. In the end they let me register through the school, and I repaid them for the confidence they had in me. Ever since I left school, I have trained many teachers and worked extensively with schools to use my theatre and improvising techniques to develop confidence, communication and team-building skills. In my experience as a student, a trainer and an observer, I have been extremely disappointed at the level of teaching in our schools. The teachers may be well versed in the subject but they are not well versed in the art of teaching. Pakistan has extremely few people who have attained degrees in education. Educators in Pakistan do not look to equip themselves with the skills required to effectively communicate ideas to their students. Below I have listed five things which I have repeatedly heard in classrooms across Pakistan, which are completely contrary to the spirit of education. With most schools lacking the capacity or the resources to invest in teachers training, I hope this preliminary ‘what not to say’ list will serve as a guide to trainers and teachers in Pakistan to better build the future of their students. 1. Just memorise this Most schools in Pakistan are not educational institutes, rather they are learning centres. What is tested is not your understanding of the subject but rather your ability to memorise. In 2005, I was told by my Pakistan Studies teacher that she was paid Rs2 per exam to check the exams for Matriculation in Pakistan. She told me that most teachers simply use an inch tape to measure the length of the answers and grade according to that. If a student is simply memorising the answer, rather than developing an understanding of the subject, he/she is unlikely to retain most of the concepts. Many teachers dictate answers to numerous questions during lessons, and for the exams they simply give one of the questions that the answer was provided for during the school year. 2. Don’t question authority The first thing our schools should impart to students is the ability of ‘critical thinking’. The masses in Pakistan have not broken out of the mentality of being the colonised subject because they are simply taught to respect authority, rather than question it. The problem is that England has moved beyond the education system they had in place during the 19^th and 20^th century, but we are still emulating the approaches of the British during the era of colonisation. Many of our hallmark institutions stand as ancient relics of the British Empire. Their strong disciplinary methods may be effective in producing grades but they are ineffective in producing free thinking individuals. Related to the inability to question any authority is the notion that questioning the author is considered blasphemy. Despite the world moving far beyond the idea of ‘author’s intent’, we are still teaching our students to begin any exposition of the text by parroting the words ‘What the author meant in this passage was...’. Often this understanding of what the author meant actually comes from a textbook where a scholar has given his opinion on what the scholar thought the author meant. The opinion is meant to start a conversation, not end it. This scholar does not hold rights over the original intent of the author. A work of art is a conversation between the artist and the observer; by forcing a singular understanding of the author’s words onto our students, we are severely limiting their creativity. 3. Don’t talk back We are taught that the teacher is like a parent, and we are taught that we are meant to obey a parent without even uttering a word of discontent. However, somehow, the idea of respect has been convoluted with the idea of blind following. If the word of a published expert in the field is only to be seen as the beginning of the conversation then how can the word of a teacher, on a certain subject, be accepted as gospel? Students are routinely punished at school for questioning their teachers; teachers often rebuke these students and actively discourage their questions. People in Pakistan tend to create idols for themselves, who they can see doing no wrong. The cult of personalities and the idea of infallible human beings begin from the classroom. In ninth grade, we had a computer-science teacher who often veered into religious doctrines on which he had little knowledge of. Without a grasp over the subject he was talking about, I wonder how many young minds were perverted by the students who thought their teacher could never be wrong. 4. You are nothing Part of the problem is that a lot of teachers in Pakistan never wanted to be teachers. They came to be teachers due to some unfortunate incident in their lives or failure to secure a job in their fields – resulting in a lot of disgruntled teachers. These teachers often take out their frustrations on students. Children are meant to be nurtured rather than discouraged. When a child acts out, it may be due to a multitude of reasons. It may be a call to attention, or a sign of trouble at home. Rather than the teacher acting or lending a helping hand to the student, teachers often engage in a verbal, or worse physical fight with the student. I have been kicked out of classes being told I would never amount to anything in my life. I have been told by teachers that I am destined to be a failure. I have been told that I was not raised right by my parents. I have had my work ripped into pieces by teachers in front of my face. Once I fought with a student during assembly and the principal of the school came to my class while I was not there and told all the students to not talk to me. For the entire day I was ignored by every single person in class till I went home and my friend called me to tell me what the principal had told the class to do. Thankfully I had a strong support system at home to guide me through my troubles at school but as a trainer I have worked with numerous students who contemplate suicide; some have even attempted to run away from homes or drop out of school just because of the discouragement they receive at school. Teachers are meant to build students, not knock them down – which brings me to the worst thing that teachers can say to their students. 5. “No” It seems like such an innocuous thing to say. It is a single most powerful syllable that destroys dreams and dreamers. The entire culture of negativity surrounding many classrooms in Pakistan begins with this single cursed word. Pakistan does not lack high quality professionals, we have enough people excelling in their fields but we lack philosophers. We lack people capable of creative thinking; people capable of thinking outside the box. Part of the reason is that when these people try to express themselves creatively, they are met with a stern “no.” Teachers in Pakistan have found a set way of doing things their way, and when their way is challenged, they are too insecure to change. This fear of change leads them to an absolute rejection of new ideas. They do not grow as individuals, and they do not let their students grow as individuals. The first thing I try to do as part of teacher training is to develop a culture of “yes and...” Not only do you accept the idea but you add to it, you build upon it. This way every single person has the ability to contribute to the idea and a spirit of community is developed in the classroom. It is about time teachers in Pakistan start treating their classes as spaces where conversations are started and ideas are created. They have as much to learn, as they have to teach.

A school is so much more than just a series of classrooms. A school is so much more than just a number of lessons. And an educated person is so much more than a literate person. Education entails all the different facets that are crucial to the mental and physical development of a person as a responsible citizen of society. At the fountainhead of western civilization in ancient Athens, education included the arts and physical education as part of the curriculum rather than extra-curricular activities. Far too often, schools in Pakistan are focused on grades and memorisation of lessons over a wholesome education. Teachers, feeling the pressure of producing results, may feel compelled to compromise on education to appease the demands of parents. An education is so much more than mere learning, or memorisation. The teachers, alone, may not be able to see the bigger picture. Often, teachers have specific expertise, and are focused on their own subjects. The role of the school administrator becomes crucial in these circumstances to balance the need for students to score grades with the necessity of a complete education. The school administrator, working in conjunction with the curriculum developer, should formulate an overarching plan for teachers, which focuses on learning crucial skills and developing abilities and talents, as well as expertise in particular subjects. Developing an overall curriculum is a specialised job that is often left to the whims of each school branch, or the teacher. However, a specially trained curriculum developer should be employed by each network of schools to develop curriculum for their private schools and by the government for public schools. It is their jobs to design what teachers teach, and take broader policy-based decisions. The curriculum developer should create a plan for teachers that allows the breathing room in their schedules required to inculcate a more wholesome education and lays down goals for the teachers to achieve, other than simply grades; a great education cannot be quantified. A grade does not define a student. The crucial role of the curriculum developer is to use the limited resources in a way to maximise benefits; a good yearly plan seeks to develop the personality of the student than simply teach lessons or concepts. The school has a vital role within the state structure to build up the character of its citizens. It is not necessarily the responsibility of the school to tell its student what is right and what is wrong but instead the school should train students to think critically and be able to differentiate between the two on their own. It is the school’s responsibility to equip a student with skills rather than provide prescriptions for behaviour. Artistic activities cultivate the emotional intelligence of people. In a country like Pakistan, the first thing the upper echelons of school management must ensure is that schools are a safe space for children; a space where children can talk about issues which they might not be able to do so at home. All schools should have the ability to provide adequate mental counselling for all its students. Psychological experts would be able to assess the behaviour of different students to deduce the reasons for it. If a student is acting due to any trouble at home, the school can provide an outlet for the student to receive the support required to deal with their issues. Through debate and drama, the school may be able to tackle issues that might be hard to approach directly. The school administrators need to get more creative about getting through to the students. All school administrators should not only encourage students to be forthcoming about their own problems but should also adequately train teachers to better counsel students in need. It is the role of the school administrators then to ensure there is adequate teachers’ training. A list of creative ideas presented to teachers and using simulations to teach them on how to deal with problems would better equip them to deal with different issues. All students should be allowed to dream and made to believe in their dreams but the most effective way to ensure a student stays on the right path is for that student to receive a personal goal path with small goals along the way. It is all well and good to use clichés like ‘aim for the moon, if you miss, you may hit a star’ but it is a more effective strategy to build a step-by-step guide towards the moon so a student sees immediate rewards for their work through a method of positive reinforcement, and encouragement. The 2006 movie The Ron Clark Story, starring Matthew Perry, follows the true life story of Ron Clark, who left his suburban North Carolina hometown to relocate to a New York inner city school, where he felt he was more needed. Clark takes up the most disadvantaged class at the Inner Harlem Elementary School, a school with segregated classes according to test results. In a fascinating story, Clark realises the only thing holding the students from realising their potential was a mental block and a lack of teachers who believed in them. If a student is to succeed, they must be told that they will succeed. A school teacher is a fundamentally different job than a college professor. An expert in the subject or the specific field may not necessarily make the best teacher. The teacher should possess the emotional intelligence to not get frustrated with children and teenager; they should also be able to asses all the socio-political factors affecting the children rather than focus on the mere subject matter. The most important thing for any school is to create a healthy community where all stakeholders constantly communicate. The teachers, the administrators, the students and their families should foster a community environment providing constant support systems for each other. The school acts as a microcosm for the entire society. A strong school support system would inspire students to follow the same principles of help and support after graduating. Everyone should share their problems, answers and experiences with each other to ensure that we all learn from each other. Effective communication also ensures there are fewer misunderstandings and we are able to understand the reasons behind the decisions of people, rather than jumping to conclusions. The key to creating this community, effective communication and an efficient system in schools lies with the school administration. The trends set by them would permeate throughout the entire school. If the school administrators are able to create a safe space that fosters creativity, encourages learning and inspires students and teachers to perform, then in the words of Rudyard Kipling,

“Yours is the earth and everything that’s in it”.

This blog is part of an interactive campaign called Aao Parhao – Jo Seekha Hai Wo Sekhao (Come Teach – Teach All That You Have Learnt); a Call-to-Action to help change the future of Pakistani children, launched by the Express Media Group in collaboration with Ilm Ideas. So join us, by reading, watching and telling us what you think. To be part of the Aao Parhao movement, please visit our website, like our Facebook page, and follow us on Twitter at to get regular updates about all our activities, learn about teaching opportunities and share the stories of inspirational teachers. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2c2rbp_aao-parhao-theme-song-rahat-fateh-ali-khan_music#from=embediframe[/embed]

The simple laws of supply and demand do not apply to a doctor bahu (daughter-in-law); no matter what the supply, there will still be a demand in Pakistan. It’s inelasticity of demand is more rigid than the worst brand of zarband you may buy from a street vendor. You can turn every eligible single woman in Pakistan into a doctor, and there would still be parents lining up around the block looking to marry their son to them. If Kelis was to make a pop song in Pakistan, it would be,

“My medical degree brings all the parents to the yard and they are like our haq mehar's better than theirs, we can give you our son but we have to take jahaiz.”

Fairness creams in Pakistan would sell a lot more if they changed their method of advertising, instead of showing advertisements that turn women fair to help them get jobs as air hostesses, often leading to their own friends wondering if their face was a mirror. Case in point, this tagline from Stillman's beauty cream,

“Chehra hai ya Aaina, ye toh hai humari Hina.” (Is this is a face or a mirror? This is our Hina)

How did she mistake another person, looking completely different than her and wearing a completely different set of clothes than her, for a mirror? I have always wondered whether for a second they thought it was them who were, in fact, the fair and beautiful one. Why did she not first wonder why her parents never told her about this twin of hers? Or just simply start fixing her hair thinking she was looking into a mirror. Clearly the memory of that advertisement has left me in existential doubt for the rest of my life. Is Hina real? Was she ever real? Is anything real? Are those chips real chips? Only the demand for doctor bahus is the indubitable truth, the foundation of all knowledge. It is based on that that we should build the new world. Fairness creams should rebrand themselves as the MBBS creams; their sales would go through the roof. Here is how an ad for the MBBS cream would go:

“Are you not getting any rishtas? Are your parents concerned that they will have to live with you even longer? Get the Fair and MBBS cream, and see the results in simply four weeks. After the first week, you can start taking temperatures and blood pressures. After the second, you can prescribe a Panadol as a remedy for everything. After the third, you can take out people’s organs to sell on the black market and after the fourth week, just like magic, you have a husband.”

A marriage is basically akin to a graduation ceremony for a girl pursuing a MBBS. All their friends and family are there, there is a guest speaker and you get a degree at the end; the nikahnama. If you are feeling excited, you can even throw the sehra in the air and pose for a graduation picture. The best part about this graduation is that your job starts immediately after. You do not have to go around applying, dropping your resumes or filling your resume with internships you never did. Clearly going to Dar-ul-Sukun for a day merits as giving back to the community. You have the best job unimaginable; you are a wife! Think about it, you are already used to staying up all night taking care of someone at those night jobs, you are used to people puking and soiling their pants in front of you and you are used to feeding people in their own beds. Basically, you are completely prepared to be a mother. The MBBS might as well stand for Mother Banane main Bachelor Sciences. Eventually, you do not even need to remember anything from those large books you carried every day to school, that is only meant to serve as preparation for carrying babies in the future. All you need to remember is,

“Khana nahi khate na, iss liye bimar hojate ho.” (You get sick because you don’t eat)

If they look anything else than morbidly obese, you are morally obligated to say:

“Kitnay kamzoor hogaye ho!” (You have become so weak)

And if they are well fed, fat and still manage to get sick, you can rely on your back up:

“Nahate nahi ho na, iss liye bimar hojate ho.” (You get sick because you don’t bathe)

My own mother’s conclusions about the reasons for all my sicknesses and illnesses have made me wonder why all these doctors in the world spend so much on medical research; they can cure the worst of all ailments with a quick lunch and a shower. Turn those hospitals into restaurants and public showers already! If you need anymore more experience, you have the husband, who is usually as bad as a new-born. It is a sign of how incapable Pakistani men are of taking care of themselves that their parents insist for a doctor bahu. They know that, left at their own accords, their sons are likely to seriously injure themselves, or worse, others. Every Pakistani man is basically a patient, hence the reliance on the need for a doctor bahu. Nobody is out there asking for a doctor damaad (son-in-law); us men cannot even control ourselves, how do you expect us to go through a surgery without thinking about ‘what would Shahid Afridi do in this situation?’ Look at the history of mankind, with men in control, the focus has always been on taking lives, not saving lives. Do you think if Hitler was a woman he would have insisted on such homogenisation of society? He would not have even let other soldiers wear the same dress as him. You cannot even trust a doctor damad; he would end up like a typical man going around taking all those temperatures and blood pressures of women who are strangers. You can never know what he truly means when he says he took somebody’s heart today. How can you live with a man who spends his days controlling the heart rates of other women? You cannot even trust most men around other men, let alone patients on anaesthesia. No, no, the damaad can be an industrialist, ideally the owner of a factory that does not offer equal employment as to ensure all the people he interacts with at work are large muscular moustache guys with greasy hands. There are still men who you would not trust even in those positions but marriage is about compromise. It is no coincidence that most men in Pakistan make textiles. Even while working in groups of men at factories, most men are focused on dressing women. The doctor bahu is the crown achievement. It is everything every family in Pakistan ever aspires for. The only reason anyone even gets married is so that one day they can have a son, who can marry a doctor bahu. We created Pakistan to marry our sons to doctor bahus. We were afraid a united India would not give our girls enough quotas for medical colleges. Little known fact is the two nation theory was originally called the two hospitals theory. You have seen how little Pakistan focuses on education, how else can you explain so many medical colleges in the country? They should just rename those to bahu factories. They are already teaching them to forego their lives completely for something. If that is not the definition of marriage in Pakistan for a woman, I do not know what is. If you have been able to find one of these rare jewels, make sure you hold on it forever. Even when they have not practiced the medical profession for the past century, make sure she is addressed as ‘Dr’ on every form they ever fill. At social gatherings, feel free to let all the kids call her doctor aunty. She is also completely comfortable with anybody in the family, their friends and the families of those friends calling her at any time to ask for any free medical advice. You do not even need to ask; she will be glad to look at the rash on your second cousin's best friend's chacha's (uncle) six-year-old son's bum. Even if doctor aunty turns 50 next year, her medical degree is still more valid than any professional doctor’s advice you might seek. It is not like medicine is a field that evolves at all. I am still a firm believer in the Roman urine therapy. Also using lead as medicine, pencils are as good as cough syrups. Every family needs a doctor aunty; if your family does not have one it is your responsibility – get to the first eligible man in your family and find him a doctor bahu now! If there are no eligible single men in your family and you are too nice to cause a divorce for the greater good, you are culturally required to enrol in a medical college right now. Look to your right, look to your left, if neither of the people you see are doctor bahus then you are the doctor bahu, do it for Pakistan.

I went to school with Saad Aziz. For two years in Lyceum, from 2005 to 2007, I considered him a friend of mine. A shy, lanky young boy always seen with a bag strapped on one of his shoulders – he always looked like he was headed somewhere but had nowhere to be. We lost touch after school. I had forgotten all about him till I was presented with a jolting reminder on May 22^nd. When the news broke of him being the alleged mastermind behind one of the terrorist attacks, my initial reaction was one of denial. The story did seem implausible but in my mind it was impossible. Too often in Pakistan, journalists hide their biases under a veneer of objectivity, logic and facts. I am going to lay out my bias for you to be clear in what shade my worldview is tinted in. I could not believe he was an extremist, not because he was educated, or reasonably affluent, or a family man, not because I once called him a ‘friend’ but merely because logic dictates otherwise. I have mulled over my thoughts a lot since then. The impossible seems potentially probable now. For the record, I am still convinced – not based on any evidence or fact but mere intuition – that the murder of Sabeen Mahmud is conveniently being piled on in the list of the extremist activities of these group. Sabeen was not targeted for her religious beliefs; she was targeted for her political beliefs; the only anomaly on the list of terror. A more thorough investigation is required, keeping in mind the inept history of our law agencies, therefore, at this point Saad Aziz has only ‘allegedly’ committed these terrorist activities. Unfortunately, we as a society demonise people easily. It is very convenient for us to distance ourselves from these monsters amidst us. The hard truth is that even the brutal savages who committed the Peshawar massacre were a part of our society. It is about time that we, as a collective entity, accept responsibility and take action to improve as a community. Under different circumstances, maybe one of us could have become a ‘Saad Aziz’. Currently, no evidence has been presented against the group; all we have are statements from the government. Even though nothing has been legally decided, we are all out with pitchforks. I can never quite understand how and why so many Pakistanis feel placated after someone is hanged, droned or bombed. This never ending cycle of violence does not seem to end. As Faiz Ahmed Faiz would ask,

“Khoon kay dhabay dholein gay. Kitnee barsaato kay baadh.” (The blood stains have been washed away, but how many rain showers later?)

If he did do it, he must be punished, but eventually someone will take his place. We are not combatting the culture of violence by hanging a few culprits. So who is this ‘mastermind’? He is not some foreign trained militant or a rival intelligence goon. He is one of us; he could have been you or I. That is not to say we should all start distrusting our neighbour; in fact, we should start building more of a community culture to ensure we do not give birth to more vagabond extremists. Almost all testimonials from people who knew him throughout his schooling suggest that he never seemed the sort. The words timid and shy have been thrown into the mix. My memories concur with the sentiments. However, the more I think about it, the more I see how Saad was simply looking for a guiding hand throughout his A’levels, a bag hanging on his back. Lyceum was an incredibly “grouped” high school during my time; people hung out within their small circle of friends. Sure everyone knew each other and met at parties and get-togethers, but everyone knew what clique everyone was a part of. Saad never had a group. He could be seen floating from one group of friends to another, never really seeming like he belonged to any one in particular. He tried his luck on the ‘dabo’ board, spent a few weeks on the foosball table and even attempted to join the drama gang, but he remained on the periphery. This is where the real criticism of our education system comes into play. Saad was never inclined towards extremism but his as personality development, or lack thereof, it could have made him prone to buying into a false ideology. The extremists may able to offer him something that our schooling system was unable to: a group of people where we felt valued, where we have purpose. The inability of schools to stress on the personality development of students as part of the curriculum has created a generation of extremists with extremely myopic world views. Groups that hold onto their imagined ideologies are completely intolerant of anyone who disagrees with them. The extent to which these groups go to protect their own shows their inherent insecurity in their own beliefs. Let’s be clear, this is not religion, this is extremism. The terrorists are to be punished for their despicable behaviour but without serious introspection into our fundamental institutions, we will continue to hang the man, and feed the system. There will be more like Saad Aziz. Lyceum is, in my books, the best school in Pakistan but even they lack the adequate staff to recognise early signs of trouble in their students. The deplorable student to teacher ratios in schools combined with the grade race results in students getting no individual attention. It is unreasonable to expect a teacher to personally get to know 35 students that he/she meets for two hours a week over the course of a semester. Furthermore, what interests the schools is the grade, rather than the individual. The fact that Saad got good grades is seen as a reason why it is unlikely that he would be an extremist. Grades are not a reflection of one’s personality but simply a reflection of one’s ability to regurgitate information. The education system in Pakistan focuses highly on repetition and memorisation rather than critical thinking and original thought. And this is my fundamental problem with IBA; it is not so much a school as it is a business training institute. Does it produce great employees? Possibly. Does it produce great citizens? There is not much I see in their curriculum to suggest it does. The Axact corruption case and the Saad Aziz saga may not be enough to level a case against IBA’s methods but all schools in Pakistan do need to fundamentally reconsider their raison d’etre. They should not be training a series of roll numbers but focus on developing citizens. However, the reaction of the internet to use these exceptions as a case against liberals and universities in Pakistan is equally problematic. It is true that the fact that a person is affluent or attended a university does not preclude him from becoming a terrorist, in fact there are several liberal extremists who are equally guilty as religious fundamentalists, but these institutions are not institutionally producing ‘terrorists’. In that nuance lies the difference between the criticism of these universities and certain madrassas in Pakistan. Certain religious clerics are tainting the name of madrassas by using them to institutionally preach hate and train terrorists. Even a bright mind like Saad’s fell prey to the words of these puppet masters. The puppets can belong to any section of society but the terrorist puppet masters are the ones who are the root of the problem – the people responsible for brainwashing individuals towards committing heinous acts. The liberal criticism is aimed towards these people. A few exceptions do not become the norm. IBA does not structurally cultivate a culture of extremism in school. However, a student from IBA can be an extremist. The latter is no reason to ban IBA. All madrassas are not extremist organisations. Some terrorists are using some madrassas to create extremists who are coaxed in to committing terrorist acts. The latter is the reason to ask the government to ban those particular extremist hubs to cut the problem at its root. The unnecessary hyperbolic reaction to the news on both sides has, as usual, left comment boards divided all over the internet. It is gut wrenching to see the amount of hate and demonisation. There is no sense of collective guilt or a sense that we are failing as a society. Instead, once again we are looking to blame individuals beyond our borders. These Facebook extremists are little different to the religious extremists, they have simply allied themselves with a different ideology. If Pakistan is to produce people less prone to falling into cults of personalities, the institution of education needs to be fundamentally revamped, which includes all schools, madrassas and universities. Let’s measure our worth not on grading curves and pay scales but as citizens of Pakistan.

Last week, Malala Yousafzai appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart and the theatrical trailer for a new documentary, ‘He Named Me Malala’ was released. As always her appearance on the show led to universal support and acclaim. As always it also attracted massive amounts of vitriol from people in Pakistan. [fbvideo link="https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10153385355801800"][/fbvideo] [embed width="620" height="348"]http://vimeo.com/131660825[/embed] I have been subjected to copious amounts of hate messages personally for posting messages supporting Malala on my Facebook page. I made an earnest effort to engage with all the Malala haters but none of their arguments held any weight. I have compiled the eight most popular arguments made by people who dislike Malala and I wish to address why none of them hold much logic. 1. Why just Malala? By far the most popular sentiment against supporting Malala is based on the opinion that she gets an undeserved amount of attention from the West. As per the masses,

“Hundreds of children die every day in Pakistan, why do they not appear on television shows?”

Malala is much more than simply the girl called Malala Yousafzai. She has become a global symbol for all those children, and many more around the world. Thousands of people died during the partition of Pakistan, why are all their names not plastered over our currency? It is because Quaid-e-Azam symbolises all their sacrifices. When a person becomes a symbol for a cause, the symbol is always greater than the life of the person itself. A lot of people suffered a lot more than Martin Luther King during the Black civil rights movement in America but he has now become a symbol for non-violent protest around the world. What Martin Lurther did, or did not do, during his lifetime becomes irrelevant. For the world, he is a symbol, and every time his image is reproduced it represents non-violence, not the life of the man. Malala is now a global symbol for children’s education, not just children in Pakistan. We should be proud that she is a Pakistani. The ‘I am Malala’ campaign does not refer to Malala the person but includes every single girl fighting for their right to education around the world. The hundreds of children in Pakistan may not be able to logistically appear on television shows but Malala speaks for and represents every single one of them. 2. Why Malala? The naysayers and conspiracy theories then question why Malala was specifically chosen to be the symbol. If Malala was not a Pakistani, I am convinced most of Pakistan would have adored her just like the rest of the world. Malala was thrown into the global limelight after the shooting but she was already a well-known activist and advocate for the right to education by then. In fact, she was specifically targeted because she was speaking out against the Taliban. Two other girls were also sadly injured during the attack, which is a travesty but the Taliban were not targeting those girls. Malala has been blogging against the Taliban since she was 11. By 2009, she had also started appearing publicly to fight for the right of girls to go to school. Long before the Noble Peace Prize, she was the proud recipient of the National Youth Peace Prize in Pakistan on December 19, 2011. Hundreds of children have sadly suffered in our war against the Taliban but few of them made a conscious effort to take a stand against the Taliban, Malala did. She was fearless against all the threats on her life. 3. The assassination attempt is a hoax The official account of her getting shot by the Taliban is accepted by the state of Pakistan, the military establishment and all credible news agencies around the world. It is also worth noting that after getting shot, Malala was shifted to the Combined Military Hospital (CMH) Peshawar and the ISPR released a statement about her medical tests at CMH. If you believe every single institution in Pakistan, and around the world, is lying and is part of a global conspiracy, then there is little I can say to convince you otherwise If the doctors who operated on her have testified about the bullet wound and other surgeons around the world have not questioned their narrative, what expertise do people on Facebook possess that they can decide for themselves she was not shot based on simply looking at her face? After the APS tragedy, every single person who claimed the Taliban would never shoot a child should have a serious look at themselves in the mirror. 4. The shooting incident is highlighted because it paints Pakistan in a negative light It was hoped that after the worst tragedy this nation has suffered in its history on December 16^th last year that the narrative of the nation would change. Unfortunately, we might have changed how we phrase the problem but our core sentiments about it remain the same. We have problems that we continue not to acknowledge. It is always problematic to hypothesise but it is possible that had the nation heeded Malala’s warnings early on and changed our policies against the terrorists, the military operations against them would have begun much earlier and they would not have had the capacity to carry out many massacres that we have suffered from since. The world has been reporting against the Taliban regardless of Malala. She is actually one of the only positive things about Pakistan for most westerners. She is the counter-narrative against the idea that everybody in Pakistan is a terrorist. She is the softer image of Pakistan for the world that we have been struggling to achieve. She is a God-send for the country. Nobody has highlighted the Taliban issue more on the global stage than the state of Pakistan and the military establishment of Pakistan. Our wars against terrorism are the reason we are being funded and receiving massive amounts of military aid from the world. There is now no difference between the public position of our army and the position Malala took years ago against the terrorists. 5. Why are the APS shaheed not equally highlighted by the world? The brave Shaheed of the APS tragedy did not go to school that fateful morning as an act of defiance against terrorism. The absolute travesty that followed is a failure of us as a nation, the little angels suffered due to no fault of their own. It is extremely unfair to compare them to Malala; her heart was equally broken that morning as the entire nation wept. All the people who think the Malala incident misrepresents Pakistan by suggesting all school-going girls get shot in Pakistan should logically also be against the world highlighting the APS incident since it misrepresents Pakistan by suggesting all children who go to school in Pakistan get shot. The reality is that both these incidents do not completely represent Pakistan but both of them are grim realities that our nation may not want to accept but are forced to combat. No single story can possibly represent a diverse country of over 200 million. Malala is as much a daughter of the nation as any child that we have lost in our fight against terrorism in the country. If there are more stories that you feel the world should know, what is stopping you from highlighting them for the world to see? Rather than criticising the world for what they are doing, why not do something yourself? You cannot berate anyone else for their choice of subject for their movies and documentaries. However, if you do disagree with them, you can go out and make your own movies and documentaries. 6. Malala is a CIA agent Most people do not have issues with what she says but rather question her motivations and her she truly is. It is impossible for me to falsify all the conspiracy theories. It is true that the CIA has done covert operations throughout the history of Pakistan but there has never been any evidence linking the CIA to MI6 to Malala. However, what possible influence or power can any intelligence agency exert on the Pakistan state from a teenage girl? Malala and her entire family have suffered tremendously. It is no privilege to be forced into a defacto exile after living for years under a constant threat for your life. She is not living a life of luxury instead she is using the resources available to her to head a global initiative to promote education around the world. 7. Why does she not come back to Pakistan? The sad reality is that most people who say this would take the opportunity to move abroad in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, the decision for Malala is not that straight forward. Pakistan is currently embroiled in a war against terrorism. There are terrorist outfits who still continue to threaten Malala’s life. She continues to speak about her longing to return and her love for Swat but no one can objectively think it is safe for Malala to return. There are mass protests against her in the country; it would take one crazy person to do something rash for her to lose her life. There has already been a failed assassination attempt on her life; she may not be that lucky the next time. She is a teenage girl. Our love for our country should not force a young girl to die just to prove that she loves this country as much as all of us. 8. What has she done for Pakistan? We are very territorial, even about philanthropy. We are not particularly moved to see Malala build schools for Syrian refugees or help Nigerian schoolgirls. All we are concerned about is her work in Pakistan. She does not need to be in Pakistan to continue to inspire thousands in the country. Even if we disregard all the positive work done by people inspired by Malala, the Malala Fund has used a $45,000 grant to build schools in Pakistan. All her work for girls’ education in Pakistan is not highlighted either due to security or political reasons. If you do not listen to the maliciously motivated speakers against her, and actually read what she says or listen to her interviews, you will realise that she always talks about Pakistan in glowing terms and attempts to give a positive image of Pakistan for the world to see. If we continue to disregard all of this, and believe in conspiracy theories, If you are secretly convinced that she is being groomed to come back to Pakistan 20 years later to destroy all of us, If you believe that she will marry Bilawal Bhutto and become the prime minister of Pakistan, then there is little I can say to convince you otherwise. However, if you do have a rational reason to hate her, I would strongly recommend at least attempting to read and research the other side to see whether the argument against hating her holds any weight. If all reason and logic tells you otherwise but you continue to hate her simply because she is Malala, please show some compassion and give this young girl a chance. Even if you do not believe her, believe in the message she is promoting and promote her as a symbol for that message. Every time you insult her, you insult our country and you demean the cause she is fighting for. Do not hate her because she seems too good to be true. I am a hopeless optimist, much like Malala, and I do believe in Malala. I hope after reading this, you will too.

I cracked up after watching ‘Eye to Eye’ the first million times. I did not stop laughing till Taher Shah appeared on Aamir Liaquat’s show. Watching him being maliciously demeaned and bullied on live television left me feeling disgusted. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x12ae2r_aamir-liaquat-makes-fun-of-tahir-shah-on-live-show_fun[/embed] It is extremely difficult to tell when a joke goes too far. As a comedian, I struggle with it every day. Most of the comedy I see on television or social media is racist, sexist, or hateful. Any effort to point the potential harmful effects of these jokes is met with the usual dismissive response,

“It’s just a joke!”

I have been performing at clubs all over the US over the past two years. Anytime any comic would crack a racist or sexist joke, the comic would be met with a chorus of boos. In Pakistan, comics have made a career out of making fun of ethnic minorities or perpetuating stereotypes but the US is at the complete other end of the spectrum. Recently, Jerry Seinfeld remarked that he has stopped playing at colleges and universities because they were too politically correct. Echoing Seinfeld’s statements, Bill Maher questioned on his show whether America can still take a joke. The problem with Maher’s problem is the same problem I had with Charlie Hebdo. When a group of people who enjoy privileges, collectively make fun of a marginalised group and create stereotypes, those stereotypes hurt that community and any cause which may be associated with them. Muslims are one of the most impoverished and disenfranchised groups in France, most of them brought originally to France as slaves or refugees. I fail to see how making fun of their religious symbols by an upper class group of people is satire. Most of you may agree with me on the Charlie Hebdo position I have taken, but the principle equally applies to all of us. My Facebook newsfeed is usually littered with people sharing videos of low-cost advertisements. Some of these ads are hilarious and one cannot help but laugh at them, but you can see why it’s problematic for a group of people lucky enough to enjoy a privileged position in society along with a quality education and when they get together to make fun of how some people talk in English. My mantra in life is that you can make fun of anything, if you do it for the right reasons. You can make fun of the fact that a man thinks using a talcum powder will help him get girls, but to make fun of the way he might say ‘excuse me’ is slightly troubling. It puts us all in the same position that Aamir Liaquat was in when he made fun of Taher Shah on his show, and there is no point in my life that I want to be in the same position as Aamir Liaquat. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2snoue[/embed] As a social satirist, the first question I ask myself while producing comedy is, “who am I making fun of?” followed by “why am I making fun of them?” A simple rule of comedy I follow is, ‘you always make fun of people for what they do, not who they are’. By making fun of a group of people who were not able to enjoy a quality education and are trying their level best to make a career in the field of video productions or advertisements, quite possibly without any formal education in either, from a position of privilege makes us a bully. When we all do it together on Facebook, it is akin to a group of children cornering a kid in school and making fun of the kid for being poor or uneducated. Pakistan gives us enough things in a day to laugh at without us needing to do this. We can still laugh at these videos but laugh at them for the ideas they are promoting rather than the people involved in those videos. They often belong to an extremely marginalised segment of our society. People who are ostracised by the upper echelons of our society who are simply trying to be a part of the culture we have created for ourselves. A culture we like to keep extremely inclusive. It is easy to see this stratification when it is blatant as we look at people struggling in the heat from our air-conditioned cars but it is much harder to understand when we are making fun of somebody’s grammar or accent, but the underlying marginalisation of a group of people is the same in both scenarios. Make fun of the people in power, the people with privilege, not the disenfranchised marginalised part of our society that already has nothing. They could do with us not laughing at their misery. Let’s be funny without being Aamir Liaquat.

The Pakistan cricket team has been absolutely phenomenal on the field in the series against Sri Lanka. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said about the coverage by PTV Sports. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2nixlp[/embed] I had become accustomed to Starbucks misspelling my name on the cup every time. I cannot reasonably expect an American to accurately spell ‘Shehzad’. One day, a barista asked me if she called out my name right, I told her it was close enough but she insisted on me teaching her how to say it right.

“It is about me respecting you as a person, I want to say it right when the next Shehzad comes in, it is my job.”

Unfortunately, Dr Nauman Niaz, Saqlain Mushtaq and Javed Miandad do not seem to have met that particular barista. PTV Sports has covered three Test matches and four ODIs so far, and they still seem to get most of the Sri Lankan cricket team players names wrong, despite Sanath Jayasuriya correcting them every time. As the host of a popular cricket show, one would assume that Dr Niaz would have learnt by now how to say Kusal Perera. I have personally seen Jayasuriya correct him multiple times. The Sri Lankan names are not easy for Pakistanis to say but how hard it is for them to sit with Sanath a few minutes before each show and learn how to correctly pronounce the names? If mispronouncing somebody’s name is disrespectful, talking in front of somebody in a language that they don’t understand is disgracefully rude. It might be great for the prestige of the show to include international guests but watching Jayasuriya just staring at everyone while they exchange inside jokes with each other paints us in a poor light as a country in front of the world. Even if there is a language barrier, there should be a way to incorporate the guest into the discussion. Many a times Saqlain, Miandad and Doc are talking amongst themselves while Jayasuriya is sitting there texting on his phone. Can you ever imagine any expert sitting as an analyst on a show texting? Even if Jayasuriya has to text, the director of the show should simply ensure that Jauasuriya is not in any shot that goes on air. Even the audio levels of the guests don't match; Miandad’s mic usually being the problem. Simply speaking, the show is not professionally run. It has a very ‘drawing room’ discussion with a friends feel to it. You simply have to switch to Star Sports to see the Ashes coverage with former cricketers in tailored three-piece suits using the latest technology to precisely explain every detail to see how far behind we are. There is no use of technology. There is no questioning the vast amount of knowledge and expertise of the guests but to watch them on air passing around a paper with the day’s scoreboard is excruciating to watch. If you are paid to analyse a match, the least you can do before you go on air is to have watched the entire match and known exactly what happened. Instead you get a tea party with everyone casually relaxing and sipping tea on live TV talking about their glory days and elephants. Jughaats have become a part of our culture. It is no surprise to see them engage in verbal tomfoolery but the constant interruptions, talking over each other, and laughing at somebody else talking makes for a vastly inferior experience for the audience. It is even worse when an unwilling participant is dragged into it. Mushtaq, Miandad and Dr Niaz all have their own agendas and bones to pick with certain former players and the Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB). They use the platform of the show to play politics but it is sad to see them trying and dragging Jayasuriya into it as well. When Jayasuriya suggested that a cricket administrator does not necessarily have had to play first-class cricket, they ganged up on him asking him if he has been spending time with PCB officials. The suggestion being that he has been paid off. The statements were made in complete jest but it ridiculed the opinion of a legend of the game. The unbiased opinion of a respected member of the cricketing fraternity should be heard, not shot down with aplomb. PTV Sports is a national television channel going out all over the world, not just Pakistan. You can get former players sheepishly saying Game on hai (Game is on) but the reality is that the show creates a highly unwelcoming environment for both the international guests and the viewers. And for this particular viewer, Game off hai (Game is off)!

It is an odd feeling to watch a show on television discussing you for a couple of hours. For most parts, it was hilarious. Unfortunately, I missed yesterday’s pre-game episode of Game On Hai on PTV Sports. I was informed by friends that the Express Tribune blog I wrote was being discussed on the show, and rather than discussing cricket, Dr Nauman Niaz took most of the time on the show justifying his actions. I had to make sure I did not miss the post-game Game On Hai. Dr Nauman has a right to his opinion, as much as anyone else. However, if my ethics or character is being called into question, I do have every right to respond. Dr Nauman’s immediate reaction to the blog was to block me and delete any tweets he had made about the blog. Tweets in which he called my blog ‘motivated’, to be precise. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="576"] Photo: Shehzad Ghias[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="576"] Photo: Shehzad Ghias[/caption] The blog was written independently of any media outlet, I chose to send it to Express Tribune of my own prerogative. The blog was not meant to question the credentials or cricketing knowledge of any individual, nor was it to suggest that other local television channels are any better at producing cricketing shows. Dr Nauman was not being judged of standards set by Pakistani anchors, but rather against an absolute standard of etiquette and decency based on my social experiences. I have no cricketing expertise compared to the legends of the show. I wrote in as a casual viewer of the show who hoped his constructive criticism would be used to better represent Pakistan in the international arena. PTV Sports is produced from our tax money and it represents all of us. We all have a stake in improving it; I simply chimed in with my opinion on how to do so. https://twitter.com/dr_kureshi/status/625246376083849216 https://twitter.com/Waqasfuu/status/625368219662991360 Watching last night’s episode on Game On Hai, I was convinced Dr Nauman had turned over a new leaf. The entire panel and his magnanimity and good humour towards the criticism were heart-warming. As a comedian, I could only stand up and applaud their response. All I could muster as a response was, “well played Sir, well played”. Saqlain Mushtaq, Javed Miandad and Sanath Jayasuriya, your magnanimity has humbled me and I will forever be a better person because of that, so thank you. The show started with Jayasuriya looking particularly dapper in a suit.

“People at the hotel asked me if I was going to a wedding,”proclaimed Jayasuriya buoyantly.

Miandad looked absolutely adorable in a suit whereas Mushtaq chose to wear a sleek blazer. Dr Nauman’s comment on how everyone should be happy now that they are wearing formal clothes was the icing on the cake. Being a good sport, I take getting the mickey taken out of me on live television in my stride but Miandad’s comment about how insisting on wearing a suit suggests a colonised mind resonated with me. I sincerely apologise if I was misunderstood, or if I hurt your sentiments, Sir Javed Miandad. You are a legend of the game, you are loved by the entire nation and you will always be. I never suggested everyone should wear suits rather I suggested everyone should look presentable because everyone is representing Pakistan. The idea to wear shalwar Kkameez is splendid. Dr Nauman is also needlessly suggesting that I criticised Miandad’s accent or his English grammar. Speaking English is not a skill in itself and 99.9 per cent of the people in Pakistan who can speak English do not possess an iota of the cricket talent you had, so they do not even compare to you. You are more than welcome to talk in Urdu. It is the job of the host to ensure what you are commenting on is also communicated to people invited as guests who may not understand the language. https://twitter.com/DrNaumanNiaz/status/625237846278799361 https://twitter.com/OJ6637/status/625263797796651008 https://twitter.com/aliaslamkhokhar/status/625532490472558593 Unfortunately, Dr Nauman was apt at ridiculing the suggestions; he spent a long while publicly justifying himself, but he failed to take any of the suggestions constructively. While Miandad was commenting on the match, he intervened and started speaking over to him to bring the discussion back to the blog, or rather himself. In the middle of a cricketing discussion, he asked Mushtaq the difference between arrogance and congeniality, coaxing Mushtaq to defend him against claims of him being arrogant. Dr Nauman, you may be the best of friends with Mushtaq and you two are free to continue to be so, but when you are on national television with an international guest, that is not the time to discuss your personal stories. I am personally more interested in learning from your invaluable cricketing knowledge. I believe your time is better utilised analysing the game rather than having a bonding session at our expense. And it is not just me who feels this way. After the blog came out, a lot of your own staff reached out to me about how they feel the same. They have asked to remain anonymous so I cannot reveal their names but they also informed of the incidents with Jonty Rhodes and Herschelle Gibbs so you can rest assured I am not the only person offended.

“I don't know the blogger, the only distinction he has that he follows Najam Sehti and Najam Sehti follows him back, that is the only distinction he has.” - Dr Nauman

The only silver lining for me in that statement was the knowledge that Najam Sehti follows me. After letting out a ‘yippy’ from joy, I went to my Twitter followers list only for my heart to be broken. I must hand it to you, your comment about nobody being offered tea in the show today was hilarious. As was Miandad’s observation that,

“Log dunya mai banyaan mai bhi show kartay hay.” (People host shows in their vests also)

I am not sure if this was staged or improvised, but my favourite line of the show was,

“Sanath, we were talking in English today so you can’t use your cellphone” - Dr Nauman

It was also appreciable to see Dr Nauman make an effort to say Kusal Perera right and Jayasuriya quipping in with a,

“You pronounced Kusal Perera really well.”

Overall, we saw a much improved product last night. The time that was not devoted to discussing the blog was spent on some top notch analysis. The cricketing abilities and knowledge of anyone was never questioned so Dr Nauman’s comments about the blogger knowing more than Miandad, or that his need to throw his credentials in our faces a few times was totally unnecessary. Last night’s show showed that with some right direction, this could be up there with the best cricketing shows around the world, and we all have a stake in bringing it up there, which is why I was so happy to see a more professionally run show yesterday. Unfortunately, Dr Nauman ended the show at a sour note.

“I have been doing journalism for 20 years, I know these kinds of bloggers, I know who is motivating them, who are paying them, what their angles are. These youthful boys need to understand going to LUMS is nothing. LUMS janay say kuch hota hay toh humay bhi Western Australia janay say kuch agaya hoga. (If you’ve learnt a lot by attending LUMS, so have I by going to Western Australia)” - Dr Nauman

The easiest way to disregard any opinion in Pakistan is to question the credibility of the writer. Dr Nauman, I am a nobody; I have no distinctions but I also have no angles and nobody is paying me to write. I do not assume to know about everything. I agree that I might be wrong a million times. Ignore who is saying these things but focus on what is being said. The amount of traction the article generated suggests that many people feel the same way. I am ready to call a truce because for me it was never a fight. I have nothing against you. I have the utmost respect for Sanath Jayasuriya, Javed Miandad and Saqlain Mushtaq. And I have unwavering love for Pakistan. As the great Miandad said at the end, we should all come together for Pakistan. If you feel anything I say is better for Pakistan, implement it. If you feel it is not, do your best to represent our country as the best version of yourself. I am sure that will be good enough for most of us. I will end this by quoting you, after watching last night’s show I agree with you,

“Game off nahi hai, Game on hai.” (The game is still on)

The Supreme Court is an institution of the state. An independent Supreme Court does not mean that judges would not be cognisant of the political implications of their decisions. As the products of the society they live in, it would be unrealistic to expect the judges to make decisions devoid of any political, religious, or social influences. The Judicial Commission in Pakistan must have factored in the political ramifications of their decision, and the Supreme Court of India must have factored in the political ramifications of their decision while deciding Yakub Memon was to be hanged. Memon was pronounced guilty on September 12^h, 2006 for his involvement in the 1993 Mumbai blasts by the Terrorist and Disruptive Activities (TADA) court. As the verdict was handed out to him, Memon proclaimed,

“Innocent people are being called terrorists.”

After any terrorist activity takes place, the lust for blood resonates amongst the population and the people want vengeance. Terrorism is the perfect antidote of democracy. It brings out the worst in us, and the worst is simply amplified when the majority is vying for blood. Weak governments cave in to this pressure and channelise the hate of the masses towards the ‘others’. It was the Arabs for America after 9/11, Pakhtuns for Pakistan after the Army Public School (APS) tragedy and it was the Muslims for Mumbai after 1993. However, the state does not deal with revenge and retribution. The state does not act out of vengeance. The vanguard of a state is justice, the state ensures justice. This is why I cringe anytime a politician or security official in Pakistan vows to take revenge after a tragedy. It simply perpetuates the circle of violence we are all caught up in. Echoing this sentiment, Shashi Tharoor, two-time member of Parliament from Thiruvananthapuram, and the chairman of the Parliamentary Standing Committee on External Affairs in India, argues that the hanging of Memon turns the entire nation into murderers as well. Tharoor makes an impassioned plea against death penalty when he writes,

“Innocent, reformed and reformable people have been given the death penalty even though they no longer pose any serious danger to society.”

Whereas there was little criticism of the numerous hangings and extra-judicial killings of suspected terrorists after the APS tragedy in Pakistan, some salient voices have come out against the death penalty in India. Yesterday, the editorial in The Hindu on July 30^th called it ‘inhuman and unconscionable’. How much of the decision was influenced by Shiv Shena’s aggressive campaign to call for the hanging? The emotions felt by the people during the Mumbai attacks were conveniently used to sway the public opinion against Memon. Memon was in jail for 21 years, he was hardly a danger to the Indian society. Which brings us to the crucial question, why was Yakub Memon hanged? The Supreme Court heard a mercy petition from Yakub at 3am, seemingly heralding itself as the vanguard of justice, but in the end, it all turned out to be a facade as the court caved in to the political pressure and rejected the mercy petition. If we are to factor in the human element of the judgment and the political factors, it could be because he was Muslim. The outspoken Muslim politician Asaduddin Owaisi and Hurriyat Chairman Syed Ali Shah Geelani certainly seem to think so. Even if we are to dismiss their statements on the basis of their political affiliations, the fact is that nobody has been hanged over the Babri Masjid riots. The recent editorial in The Nation on summarises it perfectly,

“The crux of the issue is this: while Indian authorities steam forward with this execution, cases of terrorist attacks against Muslim targets – such as Melagaon, Modassa, Samjhauta Express and Ajmer Sharif – all languish.”

The same Supreme Court has taken a much more lenient approach in dealing with Hindu extremists. For a Supreme Court to be truly independent, it has to factor in all of its political influences and offset them by being cognisant of their decisions. No judge can truly decide under a veil of ignorance but every effort should be made to do so. If a majority is keen to hang a Muslim rather than a Hindu then the Supreme Court should not let that factor into their own decision. If the Indian Supreme Court has been reluctant to belt out death penalties for extremists of a different faith then the same standard should be applied to a person of a different faith. Many of you reading this in Pakistan might find this blog post easy to agree with because of its criticism towards the Indian Supreme Court and pro-Muslim stance. However, I do recommend reading this again and switching India with Pakistan. The principle remains the same, courts in Pakistan are reluctant to punish Muslim extremists and afraid to rule in favour of the accused in blasphemy cases. Many judges have been personally targeted for being lenient in blasphemy cases. If our Supreme Court is also to be truly independent, the faith of the victim should not be an influential factor in the decision making process. It is about time the people of India and Pakistan move beyond the Hindu-Muslim differences and see terrorists as terrorists rather than Muslim terrorists or Hindu terrorists.

A country must be a mother. No other person could suffer so much at your hands and still call you its own. We may call Pakistan our mother, we may respect it as if it was our mother, we may even love it like our mother but is there a place for mothers, sisters, and daughters in this Pakistan? Is there no country for women? We are quick to stand up in arms when the sanctity of our adopted mother is called into question. We are often told,

“The sovereignty of Pakistan must come first.”

There was a similar visceral reaction in Pakistan to the trailer of the Indian movie Phantom. It doesn’t matter that Hafiz Saeed is a terrorist, since for many, he is a Pakistani first and India is the enemy. So in this war that we have inherited, we are bound to side with our own, even if it comes at the discomfort of siding against Katrina Kaif. [embed with="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2z857o[/embed] A lot has been said about the movie; video blogs have been made and nationalism has been used by many to promote themselves. However, my blog is not about this particular issue per se, as my opinions on the matter only distract from the point of this blog. I realise that this proviso will not stop the tirade of India versus Pakistan comments, but before you transform into a keyboard, please take a minute to think whether your nationalism is making you lose your humanism. When a woman is insulted in Pakistan, a common rebuke is,

“What if she was someone’s mother, someone’s sister or someone’s daughter?”

As if devoid of that possibility there is no need to respect women. A woman cannot be respected for being a woman, she has to be somebody’s mother, wife, daughter, sister, cousin; her very existence is defined in terms of her relationship with a man. Her respect comes from the house she belongs to, the man she is married to or the man she gave birth to. Unfortunately, we do not even extend that courtesy when other countries are insulted. All of us have a right to disagree with the policies of any state, we also have a right to criticise the state itself but to paint every single citizen living in that country with a single broad brush stroke, based on the actions of a few, is foolhardy. It creates the ‘us versus them’ siege mentality which makes people resort to violence. A Facebook post may not be considered ‘violence’ per say but within the context of the society we live in, labelling somebody a traitor publicly does seriously jeopardise the life of the person. Our ‘Pakistani’ actors should have more prudence before passing statements about their co-workers. However, they do have a right to their opinion, their position of power means they should act with more responsibility but if they still feel the need to, they are to express themselves. This is not a blog against Shaan Shahid or Hamza Ali Abbasi. This is a blog against Ashraf Chaudhry, the self-proclaimed number one sales trainer in Pakistan, and an expert on ‘selling yourself’. He decided to firm nail his colours to the past by chiming on with his opinion on the issue. Chaudhry showed the country that there was no need to label Mawra Hocane a traitor to make the nation dismiss her opinion, there was an easier way.

Following Chaudhry’s logic, if a woman expresses an opinion that you may not agree with, you gain the right to publicly call her a ‘slut’. When you are called out by people for your blatant misogyny, your retort is to innocently wonder, “What name would you give her”, along with posting a picture of her.

Also championing freedom of speech (his ‘freedom’ to call Hocane a slut) while blocking anyone who disagrees with him. I am assuming ‘irony’ is not one of the modules Chaudhry teaches. You are a person who dismisses sexual harassment as #BurgerBoysProblems. If a male teacher sexually harasses a 20-year-old boy, the boy should reclaim your ‘manhood’.

It would be unfair to even single out Chaudhry. He may not even believe in all of this, after all he is an expert on selling himself, and controversy creates cash. By abusing Hocane and posing as a nationalist, Chaudhry has been able to remarkably increase the traffic on his page.

He is now using that same traffic to post a video promoting himself after every couple of hours. [embed width="620"]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xwbiir_zara-sochiya-ashraf-chaudhry_news[/embed] Well played Sir, well played. Chaudhry is not the tragedy. The tragedy is that he represents a majority of men in Pakistan who casually slut-shame women. When confronted, they would not disagree with the fact that women have equal rights and equal freedom as men but use their words like arrows to shoot down those freedoms and rights for women at every turn. Would he have called a male actor posting similar tweets a slut? Slut-shaming is a legitimate power tool used by men to keep women down, to promote the structures of patriarchy. This tacit behaviour by men, and their opinions influencing the masses, perpetuate patriarchal structures in society. Any time you tell a person to be a man, or be a woman, you are reproducing traditionally defined gender roles. A woman who freely expresses herself on Twitter, or a woman who goes to work, or a woman who comes home late at night, is not labelled a slut because you genuinely question whether she is involved in sexual activities but it is a way for society to diminish the role of women. https://twitter.com/ashraf_chaudhry/status/637608411329269760 Chaudhry’s comments do not hurt Hocane, as much as they hurt all the women of Pakistan – even women who may agree with him and disagree with Hocane on the matter. Her opinions on the subject have no bearing on this discussion. The point of this article is that patriarchy and misogyny have been reproduced in our country by tying these notions to nationalism. The archetype of the Pakistani woman is used to deliberately relegate women to an inferior role in society. Ziaul Haq took this strategy a step further by adding religion into the mix. Without consciously realising that these power structures are in place, and all lives, our culture, and our language has been coloured by our history, we would continue to perpetuate the same ideas, we would continue to create a culture of hate and violence against women, without even realising we are doing so. It does not matter if your intention was not to stifle space for public discourse for women by calling one person a slut, the fact that you were negligent enough not to realise the repercussions of your actions is enough to deem you guilty. Being nationalistic may get you a few likes or a few followers but by exploiting people’s love for our country, using it to ‘sell yourself’, please make sure you are not hurting a cause that generations have worked hard for. We may never be able to reverse all the violence against women committed in the name of the nation and religion in our country but the least we can do is be conscious of that history before looking to belittle a woman. Hocane is not a slut nor is any other woman who has been called one in Pakistan for simply exercising her right to expression, her right to movement, her right to live.

Given the recent attacks on Paris, including the match between France and Germany at the Stade De France stadium, the English Premier League kicked off this weekend with a different backdrop. In case you missed it, here are 18 conclusions from this weekend’s EPL: 1. Football wins The French anthem, La Marseillaise was played before every match as the entire country showed solidarity with France. Many of the players involved in the France versus Germany match at Stade De France started this weekend, and it must have been heartening for them to see their colleagues and fans show their support. The terrorists dealt a blow last week but this weekend football won. If only India and Pakistan can also use sports to come together in the face of tragedy – France and England also fought wars and were arch enemies for centuries. 2. Liverpool 4 - 1 Man City: Klopp brings his best Brendan Rodgers’s sacking was considered harsh by many after his side came within a whisker of winning the league last year but Liverpool’s sudden reversal in fortune after Klopp’s appointment shows why it was justified. Klopp’s gegenpressing tactic worked like a charm against Manchester City with Roberto Firmino playing his best match for Liverpool in a False 9 role. The two Brazilians, Firmino and Coutinho, combined brilliantly and Klopp will hope Coutinho’s injury was nothing serious. 3. Man City: Favourites no more With Chelsea failing miserably in their title defence, Manchester City boasting the best squad in the league were heralded as clear favourites for the title. The 4-1 defeats to Liverpool and Tottenham may have changed that. Both teams pressed Man City high up the pitch and forced them into errors. Other teams may use it as a blueprint to replicate success against them. 4. Arsenal 1 - West Brom 2: Same old for Arsene Wenger It has been a case of one step forward, two steps back for Arsenal for the past decade. After successive FA Cup victories, this was meant to be the year that Arsenal would really push on for the title. With other teams faltering, this may be Arsene Wenger’s best chance to win it but the same old frailties continue for the gunners – complacency against the smaller teams, a soft under belly and inability to grind out victories against teams playing too physically. The fact Arsene lost against a Tony Pulis side again will give him no solace. 5. Arsenal lost the title in the summer The signing of Petr Cech was a clear intention from Arsenal but it was meant to be a start, not the sum total of Arsenal’s investment. Arsenal was the only top club in all of European’s top leagues to not buy a first team outfield player this summer. Francis Coquelin has proved a revelation since January and Walcott has hit the ground running this season but all Arsenal fans were crying for defensive cover and upgrade on Oliver Giroud up top. Arsenal’s loyalty to his players may have cost him a final chance at tasting premier league success this season. With Chelsea, Man City and Manchester United bound to invest heavily in the summer and Klopp becoming more settled in the league, it will only get harder from now on for Arsene. 6. No Favourites this year With both Arsenal and Manchester City flattering this weekend, Leicester City finds themselves top of the premier league. It is unfathomable that a club bottom of the league this team last year currently sits at number one. The bubble has to burst and the run has to end but for now this season is proving to be one of the most unpredictable one ever. Four teams briefly occupied the number one spot at different times over the weekend. 7. Leicester City 3 - 0 Newcastle: The dream continues Jamie Vardy has equalled Rudd Van Nistelrooy’s record of scoring in 10 consecutive league matches, and becoming the first person to do it in a single season. Nothing about Leicester City this season makes sense. Barely surviving last year, getting a new manager, losing an iconic legend in the middle of the park, little financial investment, yet they are number one in November. 8. Newcastle will be fine Newcastle has been flirting with relegation but there seems to be enough about this team to survive this year. Mike Ashley does not seem likely to sack Steve McClaren, and despite his England debacle, he is a quality coach and a manager with a lot of experience. The last time Newcastle got relegated, the entire season, everyone assumed they were too good to go down and for now the same feeling is persisting. Newcastle is not too big to go down this year but judging by the lack of quality in the teams around them I predict they will survive. 9. Stoke 1 - 0 Southampton With Leicester City taking Southampton’s spoiler role from last year, Southampton have found their level. They have been slowing improving after a slow start but this is a match they should have won. Playing at home against a direct rival this was a six-pointer for the South London club, who finishes higher out of Stoke and Southampton may be determined by their head to head clashes. 10. Barcelona lite - Not so much Boasting a couple of former champions league winners and graduates of the famed La Masia academy, Stoke were meant to play like Barcelona Lite this year. Stoke definitely tried playing like an attacking outfit at the beginning of the season but the results did not match their adventurous verve. In recent weeks, Mark Hughes has tightened the defence a lot more leading to more success in the points column. For now at least, Stoke’s Barcelona model seems to have been halted. 11. Everton 4 - 0 Aston Villa Everton have been in swashbuckling form recently with Kone and Lukaku combining deliciously, and Ross Barkley being given keys to the city to freely roam. It was inevitable that a team would be at the other hand of a trashing and it is little surprise it was Aston Villa. Things never really got going for Everton last year but this year they seem to be playing with much more freedom, and despite injuries in defence and a thin squad, Everton looks solid for another mid table finish. 12. Aston Villa will get relegated The ‘new manager’ effect earned Aston Villa a shocking point against Man City but there was little that Remi Garde could do to stop the tide against Everton. There seems to be no spark in the way the midlands club plays. The players seem resigned to the fact that they will be relegated this year. It is a pity to see a club that was on the brink of European qualification under Martin O’Neill have fallen from grace so massively. 13. Chelsea 1 - 0 Norwich: Back to the basics of Jose Mourinho It is unimaginable that Norwich City could be on top of Chelsea in the table come November but Chelsea’s start to the season has been nothing short of an absolute disaster. There has been improvement in recent weeks and it is because of Jose Mourinho going back to the basics. Mourinho takes pride in the defensive area of his coaching and despite his nonsensical press conferences, his pride must have taken a real hit after watching the goals Chelsea have conceded this season. By going narrower and tighter at the back, Chelsea has now started grinding out results. 14. Hazard shines Mourinho has alienated many a flair player in his time as a manager, ruthlessly moving Chelsea’s player of the season for two years to a direct rival after a mere six months. Thankfully on Saturday, we saw Mourinho play a system that put Hazard in a free role and allowed him to flourish. Despite being the best player in the league last year, Hazard is still only 24 and has a lot to learn. For now, Chelsea should let him do what he does best because he can be as good as anyone on his day. 15. Swansea 2 - 2 Bournemouth: Monk in danger Gary Monk is one of the best young managers in the world. He was recently being touted for the England job. It only shows the fickle nature of the premier league that he is currently in danger of being sacked if Swansea’s form does not improve. It was an important point for Bournemouth though, unluckily losing their best players to long term injury this year Bournemouth look set for relegation but they are putting up a good fight week in and week out. 16. Tottenham 4 - 1 West Ham Tottenham can’t win the league this year, surely not? Tottenham has no superstars, Bale and Modric now play for Real Madrid and have been replaced by buys Portugal and League two in mid-field but Tottenham are arguably now a better team than the team that finished fourth under Harry Redknapp. Pochettino’s high octane style and Tottenham’s young squad seriously puts the players in threat of a burn out but for now Tottenham are one of the most enjoyable teams this year. 17. Man United 2 - 1 Watford Manchester United can win the league this year, surely? Manchester United has hardly set the world alight this season. The fact that they are one point of the top at this stage with their captain underperforming, their big summer signing struggling, their best defender side-lined with a broken leg, David de Gea's transfer saga and a 19-year-old leading the line means that if the giant does get its act together this season, they can stroll to the title. As Sir Alex Ferguson said,

“Attack wins you games, defences wins you titles.”

Van Gaal really seems to have sorted the defence at Manchester United with Chris, or as Van Gaal likes to call him ‘Mike’, Smalling arguably being the best central defender in the league on current form. 18. Rooney does not fit in this team It is no coincidence that Manchester United is playing some of the best attacking football it has played this season without Wayne Rooney in the team. Wayne Rooney still has the ability to score an odd goal and play perfect 50 yard passes but his age has caught up with him. He looks laboured in possession and always seems to take an extra touch slowing down any attacking move. It frustrated Angel Di Maria last season and it seriously affects the beautiful one touch football Herrera and Mata play. With a younger squad given freedom to interchange up top, Manchester United looked its most threatening in the attacking third against Watford. If only Van Gaal manages to keep all of his players fit, there are in with a real shot of winning the league this year. And I am not saying that only because I am a lifelong United fan.

Recently, food groups on Facebook have been abuzz with the ‘Pay what you want’ offer introduced by a restaurant in Karachi called Fika on the Roof. The offer was meant to inverse the power balance and tip the scale in favour of the consumer. With no recommended prices, the experiment was simple: put your money where your mouth is and pay what you think the food is worth. If nothing else, the growing consumer power would generate enough publicity for the restaurant to sustain any losses. A risk well worth taking, one assumes. With the advent of social media the popularity of food groups on Facebook, and Ayesha Mumtaz’ threat, has also given consumers some power in the food industry. Inevitably, many are seen misusing their newly found power by complaining needlessly on social media for every slip up. Food chains are also much more responsive to complaints, and often compensate for bad experiences on their part. But, for many, these bad experiences keep repeating themselves. As expected with the ‘pay what you want offer, people tried to exploit the offer to its fullest. A social media tale tells the story of a family of 15 ordering appetisers, entrees, desserts and shakes for each member, and simply paying a thousand rupees for the meal. The disparity in their order, and the bill, makes it seem like it was a deliberate attempt to exploit the restaurant. I was once given stale bread, during a free breakfast, while staying at the Holiday Inn; as a result, the management did not even charge me for the room I stayed in. There will always be bad eggs but for a ‘pay what you want’ offer to work, the management must be so confident in its food and experience that, more often than not, people will pay adequately. I am not sure whether it was the experience of dealing with people looking to exploit the offer, or simply the displacement of trust in people that seems to have pushed the restaurant management over the edge. Now, Fika on the Roof is getting reviews with stories where the restaurant staff and management have allegedly been harassing and cajoling customers into paying what they want. If that was to be the case, the restaurant simply should have put a recommended minimum. There is absolutely no need to be rude to the customers. In a shameful incident on the group, a woman posted a complimentary review of the restaurant, only for the owner of Fika on the Roof to post the entire order on social media, with how much it should have cost her, and how much she ended up paying. The owner even eavesdropped on her conversation over the phone and posted it on Facebook, clearly violating her private space. When the woman removed her post from the group, the owner, who had saved screenshots, re-posted them to publicly shame her. As always, the comments section turned ugly and people started vowing to take revenge from restaurants in general for years of exploiting customers. Fika on the Roof does not represent restaurants in general. While I have personally never been there, and hence, cannot speak about the experience or the food, I did applaud their attempt at this experiment. However, the comments from the owner of the restaurant on Facebook reek of elitism. There are only a handful restaurants in the city whose food deserves the exorbitant prices. I’ve paid Rs750 for a bag of Doritos advertised as Nachos on the menu, Rs550 for four K&Ns mozzarella sticks refried, upwards of a thousand for a frozen burger patty simply microwaved and served, all in the name of fine dining. Restaurant owners hardly seem to be food connoisseur, instead restaurants are purely a business venture; the food itself following well below on the priority list. This is why you barely see restaurants employ chefs; instead you have a series of line cooks with recipes; cooks who are underpaid and easily replaced. Around the world, restaurants are known for their chefs and I am sure that most of you cannot name a single chef for the restaurants you frequent. A proper chef is seen as a luxury in the cut throat restaurant business. Here, however, it is common for chefs to be hired only to be disposed of after a year or so, once the regular staff has acquired sufficient training. This is why you see such a stark drop in quality at restaurants after a year or so of operating. As a result, everything tastes the same everywhere; the same bland mixture of recipes floating around the entire city. And the lack of entertainment options in the city means there will always be demand for eating out, which allows restaurants to charge what they want for ‘food’. Food finds itself in quotation marks because after seeing the Punjab Food Authority post pictures of well reputed fine dining eateries in Lahore, I am not sure what we serve qualifies as food at all. While social media has made everyone in Pakistan a food critic, those using the platform innocently (as in the example above), also become targets of our judgemental mind-sets. This offer may have been the first chance for a lot of families to give their loved ones a fine dining experience, whilst paying as much as they could afford. If they were unable to pay more, they decided to return the favour in gratitude on Facebook. Ironically, in response, the owner turned around to publicly berate them for doing so. We judge people for fighting over discounts on Black Friday, without knowing their story. Without wondering what that discounted toy/dress might have meant to them, for them to fight over it. If Walmart mistakenly puts the decimal in the wrong place and offers a PlayStation for $35.00 instead of $350.00, they will have to sell it for $35 to those who bought it. In the same way, if you have advertised an offer, and for whatever reason a consumer wants to avail it, you have an obligation to honour it. That does not mean you can castigate your customer for availing the offer but not doing so the way you would want them to. If I can recall correctly, the offer, after all, was ‘pay as you want’ and not an implied ‘pay what you want but suffer the consequences if you don’t pay what we want’. That would be a very inconvenient marketing strategy.

Donald Trump declares that it will be harmful for the Christian American majority if large influxes of Muslim minorities from all over the world enter the US. On the other hand, the Capital Development Authority (CDA) in Islamabad has claimed that the influx of poor Christians from across the country could lead to ‘demographic problems’ and ‘may affect the Muslim majority of the capital.’ Having said that, there is an outcry on social media over only one of these xenophobic and bigoted statements, Facebook activists in Pakistan seem to be very selective about their humanitarianism. America is perceived as the devil for bombing other countries, but what about Pakistan? Isn’t the state bombing within its region? It seems acceptable for people to be bombed from the sky, as long as it’s the same state doing so. The drone strikes conducted by the US in Pakistan were ordered by the Pakistani state and was widely criticised. The hand that feeds you must be the one that chokes you to death. It’s ironic that the most fundamental duty of the state is meant to provide security to its citizens. The silence on the contentious issue of military operations within the country may be due to the fact that people are exercising caution when it comes to the subject, and are brushing it aside under the doctrine of necessity. If it makes us feel safe, a few innocent deaths can be set aside in the name of national interests and collateral damage. However, the US bombing other countries under the same pretence is not acceptable though. One would assume the religion of the bomber may have something to do with it. I do not believe in generalisations that claim that our nation is full of apathetic people, who are immune to violence as they accept such atrocities as part of their daily lives, yet my Facebook news feed seems to suggest otherwise. People are shedding tears over Gaza, Syria, Myanmar. And there are Pakistanis lamenting over the grievances of Syrian refugees on the Humans of New York page. Pakistanis, known for their generosity, are willing to open up their homes to Syrian refugees, and are decrying Americans for not doing the same. They say,

“Syrian refugees are our Muslim brothers.” “Their country has been torn by the war and violence, they need a safe haven.” “After all, America created the unrest; it only makes sense for them to accept refugees.”

Interestingly, this principle does not apply to Muslims much closer to home. If religion was the only factor that made most Pakistanis afraid of the ‘other’; the stereotypical immigrant terrorist flouted by Donald Trump, then why would there be such trepidations about Afghan refugees? Yes, Pakistan saw a huge influx of Afghan refugees during the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, but we also saw a huge influx of American dollars given for accepting them and helping in rehabilitating those refugees. If the principle that the country who created the mischief must accept the repercussions is to be followed through, then Pakistan should at least partially take some responsibility for the violence and unrest seen in Afghanistan today, and hence, it must make sense for us to play a part in accepting Afghan refugees. Right? Unfortunately, we have never really assimilated them into the fabric of our society. Second generation Afghan children born in Pakistan are still not considered Pakistani citizens. Our fear of the other is so strong that PML-N ministers in Punjab refused to accept IDPs in Punjab when the North Waziristan operation started. We are so consumed by the racism of Donald Trump that we are failing to realise the racism of similar demagogues closer to home. CDA statements sound very similar to Donald Trump’s; they contest that poor people in slum areas will come and destroy the beauty of the capital city of Islamabad. It is not even terrorism anymore; the argument now is that poor people will make Islamabad ugly. Maybe we dress up the Pakistani refugees as Syrian refugees, perhaps then there will be more acceptance towards them in Pakistan. Maybe, just maybe, then we can also raise our voices against the maltreatment that they have faced. Or maybe we are simply just very selective about our humanitarianism. Unless Humans of New York comes back and takes pictures of the katchi abadi protestors in Islamabad, the silence surrounding the issue, it seems, will continue.

Given the action-packed events of the yesteryear in the sports scenario of Pakistan many of us have high hopes with what 2016 has in store for the sports fanatics. We are unable to curb our enthusiasm at the prospect of the following 15 things coming true in 2016. 1. Pakistan Cricket to stay clear of controversies [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Mohammad Amir. Photo: Facebook - Mohammad Amir[/caption] The Mohammad Amir saga, television squabbles, failed doping tests, contentious selections, and non-selections dominated the news in 2015. Hopefully the worst is behind us and the cricket will take centre stage again. No team responded better to adversity than the Pakistan Cricket Team. If there is a silver lining then it is the hope that our players play like cornered tigers in the 2016 T20 World Cup. God knows the team needs this victory. 2. More Kaleemullahs In 2003, Zesh Rehman became the first British-Asian to start a Premier League match. In the last 12 years Football’s popularity has exponentially grown in the country. All major cities now boast a professional, or semi-professional, football academy in Pakistan. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Kaleemullah. Photo: Kaleemullah[/caption] Last summer, Kaleemullah became the first Pakistani to sign a contract with a US Club. With PTV Sports regularly airing matches from the top European league, the hope is soon we will be cheering on more Pakistani players playing the magnificent game. 3. One Final Hurray for Aisam ul Haq At 35, Aisam ul Haq is in the twilight of his career, which has been in a downward trajectory for the past couple of years. 2015 was a largely forgettable year for Aisam-ul-Haq. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Aisam ul Haq. Photo: AFP[/caption] As the biggest tennis player Pakistan has ever produced, and seemingly little talent to take the mantle from him anytime soon, the nation needs to get behind the superstar and push him towards glory in 2016. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Ushna Suhail. Photo: AFP[/caption] Also keep an eye on Ushna Suhail. She is on her way to becoming Pakistan’s next big tennis star. One hopes she realises her potential on the international stage. 4. Pakistan Super League (PSL) to be a resounding success There are bound to be teething problems in Pakistan Cricket Board (PCB)’s venture into the lucrative T20 league format but despite all the off-field disputes and disagreements, we would like the league to be a spectacular, putting Pakistan cricket on the map for the right reasons. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Zahoorul Haq/ Express[/caption] Hopefully Pakistan will be able to gain enough goodwill from the competition to host future versions of the league in the country. The biggest hope for all Pakistani cricket fans would be for quality competitive international cricket to return to Pakistan. 5. The female teams to get institutional support Despite the Pakistan female football and cricket teams achieving success, and ironically doing better than their male counterparts, there is little institutional and financial support afforded to the teams. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: AFP[/caption] Our female teams are not taken as seriously as they should be, they get little coverage and few minutes of airtime. Many players pay the costs for equipment from their own pockets, and athletes are not given central year-long contracts by the federations. We would love to see the gender disparity come to an end in the sports scene starting from 2016. 6. Palwasha Bashir and Maria Toorpakay Wazir to get recognition You cannot talk about female athletes in Pakistan, and not mention Palwasha Bashir or Maria Toorpakay. What Sania Mirza is to tennis in India, Palwasha is to badminton and the Maria is to squash in Pakistan. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Maria Toorpakay Wazir. Photo: Nashcup.com[/caption] Despite being a world class talent, Palwasha’s opportunities to play in international competitions have been few and far between. Maria Toorpakay on the other hand made the nation proud winning the Nash cup title for the second time in 2015. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Palwasha Bashir. Photo: Arif Soomro[/caption] It was heartening to see Pepsi recognise Palwasha Bashir as a national hero in the Chand Sitara campaign. One hopes they both get a chance to make the nation proud on the international stage in 2016. 7. Rio 2016 Pakistan’s record at the Olympics has been abysmal. The country has only ever won 10 Olympic medals, and eight of those were in hockey. We have not won a single medal for 14 years, ending up as the most populated country to not win a single medal in the last five Olympics. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Reuters[/caption] Let’s hope we end our winless streak, and our boys and girls bring back some gold this time! 8. Bodybuilders to get state patronage Pakistani body builders have been setting the world stage alight in the past couple of years. Atif Anwar won the Arnold Classic Body Building competition and Salman Ahmad won the title of Mr Musclemania in 2015. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Atif Anwar. Photo: Getty[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Salman Ahmad. Photo: Facebook - Salman Ahmad Official[/caption] Both athletes were able to achieve global success despite receiving little to no state support. The hard work and perseverance of our sporting heroes need to be recognised officially and the body builders need to be given all the tools necessary to compete at the very top. 9. PSL style ventures extended to other sports [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: AFP/ Reuters[/caption] In our cricket fuelled nation, other sports often get ignored. Fans of other sports hope that the PSL style ventures are also replicated for more sports. The hope is that all respective federations are able to bring together all media, advertising and financial stakeholders to create popular events for all sports in Pakistan, which are lucrative to both the sponsors and the athletes. 10. Pakistan Hockey to rise like a phoenix Our national sport is in tatters, the only silver lining is that it cannot possibly go any lower than this; Pakistan hockey has officially hit rock bottom, failing to qualify for both the World Cup and the Olympics. A new management has been put in place in hopes to revive the sport, and the nation hopes that field hockey in Pakistan is able to rise from the ashes and soar again. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: File[/caption] It will only take one victory against India for the entire nation to get into the groove to support the hockey team again! 11. We find our next big squash star Pakistan is ranked a respectable eighth place in the World Squash rankings but for a country that has been spoiled by the talents of Jahangir Khan and Jansher Khan, the nation yearns for the number one ranking. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Jahangir Khan. Photo: Express[/caption] [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Jansher Khan. Photo: PPI[/caption] Despite producing two of the best talents the game has ever seen, Pakistan has been unable to produce a steady stream of squash champions. The hope is that 2016 will see a talent emerge that will reclaim the coveted number one spot for Pakistan in the world of squash. 12. The Shandur Polo Festival to happen The Shandur Polo Festival is truly one of the world’s most unique sporting events; a polo match on the ‘roof of the world’. Shandur hosts the world’s highest polo ground, and the annual summer Shandur Polo Festival is a time for celebration for the entire region but recent political differences and national calamities in the region have put the festival in contention. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Gilgit-Baltistan.com[/caption] The hope is not only that the festival happens but it receives massive national, and international, coverage so the entire world is able to see the beauty and talent of the north in Pakistan. 13. The South Asian Federation (SAF) games The SAF games are South Asia’s answer to the Olympics. Traditionally, Pakistan has done well at the games, and with the 2016 version set to take place in India there is added incentive for the Pakistan delegation to bring back some gold from the home turf of the traditional rival. 14. India - Pakistan kabaddi to resume The 2015 kabaddi world cup in India was called off due to massive protests. India and Pakistan may face each other in the SAF games scheduled to take place in February 2016 but one hopes for regular kabaddi matches between the two countries. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Photo: Express[/caption] The sport is massively popular in Punjab and it is part of the tradition of both countries. It may also allow many Pakistanis and Indians to blow off some steam by taking part in some competitive jostling. 15. The obvious Saving the biggest one for last, reading through the previous two conclusions you might already have inkling about what I am building up towards; it tops the list of every sports fan in Pakistan, the hope for India-Pakistan bilateral cricket series to resume. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="620"] Pakistan versus India Photo: AFP[/caption] Ideally, it would take place in Pakistan but even a series in India or a neutral venue will equally have all of us pulsating at the prospect of these cricket giants going head to head. India versus Pakistan cricket matches have the potential to bring the world to a standstill and the entire nation is balanced at knife-edge for the next chance to see them go head-to-head. There is nothing more I would like to see than Pakistan beat India in cricket in 2016!

You can argue whether Islamabad United were worthy winners of the competition based on their overall performance, the format of Pakistan Super League (PSL) or your personal affinities but there is no denying that (PSL) has been undeniably a resounding success. All the ‘cricket analysts’ claiming PSL was a failure before it even started must be eating a lot of humble pie right now. It also proved that claims by the older players that there was not enough younger talent coming through were false. About time some of them consider retirement! The best in my opinion being Mohammad Nawaz. https://twitter.com/Shehzad89/status/696367957186846720 https://twitter.com/Abubakar64M/status/702141527401828353 https://twitter.com/BilalBasraa/status/702232422717460482 https://twitter.com/sunnykalra2/status/702221897036120066 https://twitter.com/zeeshans/status/700773283302662145 https://twitter.com/M_Usama94/status/700772118217285632 https://twitter.com/MisterRSK/status/699893233170702337 So much so that Imran Khan even softened his stance on Nawazs in general. https://twitter.com/ImranKhanPTI/status/702350813809811456 Also Sharjeel Khan should definitely be in our T20 World Cup squad. Look at the amount of chances Ahmad Shahzad received to prove himself in T20s and look at Sharjeel Khan’s records. Ahmad Shahzad has finally been dropped in T20s, Sharjeel Khan should now get a run. There was so much young talent on display that Ramiz Raja struggled to remember all of their names. https://twitter.com/rubiaabrar/status/702181321355956225 https://twitter.com/batoolFYIMag/status/701451908783939584 There was something gratifying as a Pakistani to watch Misbahul Haq play the last shot of the competition and pick up the winning trophy. Despite Pakistan experimenting with different captains in every format, for most fans Misbahul Haq is still the man they think of when they think of Pakistan cricket team captain. The entire generation of cricket fans will remember the 2007 T20 World Cup final where Misbah was one shot away from winning the competition for the nation. He may have exorcised some of his demons from that match, and it was an apt response to all of his criticisers. https://twitter.com/Knowledge_Doc/status/702211580231086080 https://twitter.com/Knowledge_Doc/status/702210463543726084 At the end of the day, despite the internet making a million jokes about their bed time, Islamabadis celebrated as their team triumphed. https://twitter.com/ShirazHassan/status/702208283583578117 Not sure how many of them stayed up till 1:30 am on a Tuesday night to watch the match though. https://twitter.com/thePSLt20/status/702227004922404864 https://twitter.com/kasad6264/status/702421827801448448 https://twitter.com/AnmolAleena/status/702406435896954880 The inclusion of Azhar Mahmood could also not stop them from winning. https://twitter.com/Shehzad89/status/699994298528489473 The only solace for Karachites after their team capitulating was at least Steve Harvey would have announced them as the winners of the match. The only shining light for Karachi Kings was Ravi Bopara, not to brag but I called it. https://twitter.com/Shehzad89/status/702227797369085952 https://twitter.com/ShizaNasim/status/701093267904057345 https://twitter.com/hazeefaofficial/status/701091769602203648 https://twitter.com/tarri_alee/status/702222954348859392 https://twitter.com/SedLoif/status/701088475580334081 And for the sake of the Pakistan international cricket team there are far fewer players calling for the exclusion of Mohammad Aamir; definitely a better option than T20s than the helicopter bowler, Sohail Tanvir. For Lahore Qalandars, their owner, Fawad Rana got more attention than his team. https://twitter.com/umarnagi/status/702222314574897152 https://twitter.com/Asparklingspark/status/702222130465923072 https://twitter.com/arsalanjaraal/status/702204762180161537 https://twitter.com/imAQadir/status/700198704834351104 Their team just did not click. Despite featuring a number of stars, they had very little team spirit. It also shows that Azhar Ali has a lot still to learn as captain. It was hilarious to see international cricketers laugh at our batsmen running between the wickets. https://twitter.com/Shehzad89/status/695582540330094592 Sarfaraz Ahmed and Kevin Pieterson's partnerships were particularly funny but all in good fun as it was heartening to see one of the best batsmen ever playing for Quetta! And nothing better summarises Pakistan's fascination with Quetta than this post by Hasan Saeed. But Islamabad did not give them any leeway. https://twitter.com/Shehzad89/status/702206938747162624 https://twitter.com/Tauxeef_mirxa/status/702172349236379649 People like me who were supporting Quetta Gladiators took whatever little solace they could find. https://twitter.com/Shehzad89/status/702216424555749376 https://twitter.com/JamalNeutron/status/702159307002003457 Quetta may have won everyone’s hearts but Pakistan’s favourite team was the Peshawar Zalmi. Captained by the nation’s and Ahmed Shahzad’s heart throb and the winner of the local T20 competition, Peshawar entered the tournament as clear favourites. Unfortunately, despite entertaining and dazzling audiences, they could not get the job done; much like every innings by their captain. Scientists will need to come up with a new term to describe the ultra-short amount of time Afridi ends up at the crease leaving the nation chanting,

“Afridi agaya, Afridi chala gaya” (Afridi came, Afridi went.)

(Also all of social media)

In fact, the only failure of PSL was the advertisements. https://twitter.com/Shehzad89/status/700749258874486784 I particularly hate Allied Bank for making me hate a child. https://twitter.com/Shehzad89/status/702207363160399873 Not sure what is worse, the boom boom bubble gum ads or this joke.

There may be some controversy created in the future.

But for now we can all enjoy the entire nation coming together under the banner of PSL. It would be unfair to label the tournament anything but a resounding success! From Aizaz Cheema’s last over to Sir Viv Richards running on to the pitch to Wasim Akram picking up the trophy to Kumar Sangakara and Kevin Pieterson playing for Quetta to listening to Sarfaraz Ahmad speak at 500 words a second to Mohammad Sami and Mohammad Irfan’s fast bowling spells to seeing Darren Sammy and Shahid Afridi hit the ball out of the park together, PSL has been a dream come true for cricket fans in Pakistan. https://twitter.com/thePSLt20/status/702244020286857216 PSL: Where the bowling is the best, and the fielding is optional. See you next year. Hopefully back home!

The world has not been kind to men recently. After centuries of oppressing women and exchanging them as property, men cannot simply be asked to suddenly start treating them as people. I would claim that it goes against millions of years of evolution but any talk of evolution is haram so that point is moot. In this era of political correctness and Caitlyn Jenner, the last safe haven for men was Saudi Arabia – a utopian world where men could roam free without the distraction of women driving, women cycling and women breathing. If you claim you have seen a woman breathe in Saudi Arabia, I will be convinced you’re a liar – sir, it’s impossible to even spot a nose under that veil. Also, do not try to confuse everyone with your science. The entire premise of the argument that “all humans need to breathe” is questionable – there is no scientific proof that women are human. Wouldn’t they be called ‘huwoman’ if it were true? They say a woman should be seen and not heard. It is only in the dreamland of Saudi Arabia where I say women should not be seen or heard. I would have added that they should not be smelt either but it’s close to impossible to not smell itar for anyone within a 565 mile radius. Unfortunately, the feminazis have invaded Saudi Arabia as well. Following the philosophy of Hitler, a man who had less facial hair than a Sindhi woman, women have started instating draconian laws for men. A Saudi man, the best kind of man out there, was fined SR160,000 dowry to his four wives after he divorced them. The man only did this because he wanted to marry four new wives; a move that is often referred to as being a man, a blanket clause that lets years of patriarchy flourish and perpetuate because… you know, boys will be boys. In a grave injustice, the man was also forced to remarry his previous wives. If you support this move by the government, let me ask you, how would you feel if a mobile chor (thief) stole your phone and then later in the day came to your house and returned you your same old phone? You could have blackmailed your father into getting you the new Iphone but now you are stuck with the Iphone 5, the volume buttons of which don't work just because a chor could not do his job properly. It is scientifically proven that nobody with an Iphone5 has any friends anymore so basically your life has been wrecked like that of a Saudi man. If I have used my four cars for a while, I should be able to sell them and buy four new cars. The government has no right to make me drive my old cars again. I know we are talking about wives and not cars but you are forgetting that it is Saudi Arabia; cars have much more freedom in the public space than women. If God did not want me to treat women poorly, why would He make me a man? He could have made me a Koala – then I would not have cared about women at all because Koalas are awesome. They eat and they sleep. Basically they are like men without the crippling insecurities that come with society indoctrinating in them to conform to the social norms of their gender, forcing them to tie womanhood to false notions of honour, pride and family. Basically, being a Koala is awesome. All I am saying is that marriage is a contract. And like all contracts, there should be an exit clause. If a plane is falling, you should be able to eject. If the Titanic is sinking, you should be able to get on a life boat. Unless, of course, you are Jack and Rose does not let you on even though there was clearly space for two. You took his life and then you took his Oscar, Kate Winslet. Marriage is like the Titanic. It is not unsinkable. And when the iceberg hits, all men will try to get the women and children out first. A person should not be caged into a marriage if that person does not want to continue to be in one. Unless, of course, you are a woman; no woman should be allowed to leave a loveless marriage. All men would just end up being divorced then. For the institution of marriage to exist, we need women to suffer. Sorry girls, in a battle against a socially constructed idea, the idea will always wins, even if all of us need to die for it. By all of us, I mean just women. There are not enough life boats for all of us. Disclaimer: This post being satire is for entertainment purposes only.

Aaj kay naam, aur aaj kay gham kay naam Aaj ka gham kay hay zindagi kay bharay Gulistan say khafa Zard paaton ka band jo mera des hay Dard kee anjuman jo mera des hay Un dukhi maon kay naam (To, this day and to its sorrows, To the day’s sorrows, cross with life’s overflowing garden, The thicket of yellowing leaves, This thicket of dying leaves that is my land, This assembly of anguish that is my land.) (Intisaab by Faiz Ahmad Faiz, translation by Mustansir Dalvi)

The first time a person strapped on a bomb and stood in the middle of a public place and blew themselves up, the explosion must have been so deafening that the country has been unable to hear anything since then. Unable to hear the cries of wallowing mothers, Unable to hear the sighs of despairing fathers, A teenager without a purpose, A child without a family, A girl burdened with honour, A woman painted green, black and blue, A boy made obsessed with duty, Unity, faith, discipline, family, nation, religion, Words upon words or an identity? Do we hear the boy who was told to blow himself up because celebrating Easter was a threat to his country and religion? Do we hear the boy who was told to eulogise a killer, because his crimes were in the name of a man he loves too? Four boys crowding against a single microphone vowing to take revenge. A song no less. A lullaby, a jingle. A nursery rhyme full of hate, vitriol and duty. Murdered in the name of duty, bombed in the name of love, sacrificed in the name of God, How many more of God’s children will die in the name of God? Now is the time of mourning. Now is not the time for introspection; for criticising past mistakes and poor policies but as we mourn, we must not forget why we mourn. We mourn the burden of duty that we carry with us each day. A groundhog day of tragedy this nation is obliged to repeat. We said #NeverAgain after Peshawar, but did everything to make sure it happens again. And it did happen again, and it will happen again. https://twitter.com/asadjkhan/status/676899026348998656 https://twitter.com/ZaimalA/status/689821309614833665 https://twitter.com/AseefHassan2/status/676979123886137345 There is a very small minority of people in Pakistan who have hijacked the narrative of the nation through violence, fear and terror. We have allowed this as we were afraid to stand up to the monsters in our closet. We are afraid to look under our own bed; it is easier to blame all our ills on foreign agencies and global conspiracies. When the first bomb went off in a market place, it was claimed that Pakistan was simply paying the price for supporting the US in the war against terror. This was not our problem. Have we forgotten that the country was torn in half due to internal civil strife in 1971? When the first mosque was attacked by a suicide bomber, we claimed a Muslim could never target a mosque. Have we forgotten that the first mosque was burned in Rawalpindi in 1953? When a child was shot in the face, it had to be a global conspiracy because a mujahideen would never target a small girl. Have we forgotten every child who died in Kashmir, Balochistan, Bangladesh, FATA and Waziristan? Peshawar attack was meant to be the water shed moment for this country, when we stood up and said no more. Having said that, then why was a park full of children celebrating Easter blown up? If we cannot personally do much to stop terrorism, we should at least hold the courage to call it that. The bomb blast killing several on Easter was not a coincidence. Muslim extremists in Pakistan have taken it upon themselves to commit religious cleansing in the country, and Muslim moderates are too afraid to speak up against them because they identify with the same religion. Instead, people tend to get offended when certain terrorists are labelled as Muslim. If anything, it is the duty of Muslims worldwide to cleanse our religion from these terrorists who tarnish the name of our religion. Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) and Tehreek-e-Taliban Pakistan (TTP) are committing crimes against humanity in the name of the God we worship and our religious leaders do not even have the courage to distance themselves from these terrorists. When several people can gather from all over the country for the funeral of a murderer, when a group of people can beat up a man at the airport brazenly, when most people are silent when minorities are targeted, when government agencies seek to cleanse the capital of Christian abadis, when a handful of people determine who is a Muslim, are we really surprised that this war against terrorism has not ended? The answer does not lie in bombing a few villages and alienating an ethnicity. The hard truth is that our home grown monsters are only a result of what we have sown. Our nation’s complacency towards violence, war and sacrifice has led to an entire generation of children being radicalised. When you create mujahideens, you can never be sure what side they will fight on. At this stage the guns have been firmly turned against us and either we can let them pick us one by one, or we can get together to stop letting them hijack Pakistan. Pakistan is not a terrorist nation. We should not be burying our children every year. Even God has promised not to burden his creation with more than it can take. There has to be a breaking point for this country where the people rise up as one and say no more. No more do we believe in wars, violence and terrorism. We are all united under our flag. Let us hear what is happening in our own communities, our own neighbourhoods, our own country. Let us hear the laments of the oppressed and the marginalised. Just because they are different from us, doesn’t mean this country does not belong to them as much as it belongs to us. There is only so long we can live with hate till we start tearing each other apart. If you do not speak out now, there will be nobody left to speak out for you when the war is at your door step. To paraphrase Martin Niemoller’s quote,

“First they came for the Hindus, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Hindu, Then they came for the Ahmadis, and I did not speak out – Because I was not an Ahmadi, Then they came for the Bengalis, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Bengali, Then they came for the Baloch, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Baloch, Then they came for the Pakhtun, and I did not speak out – Because I was not a Pakhtun, Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak for me.”

My quest to find the best burger in Pakistan has taken me far and wide. From the lines at shacks to the experiments at labs, from the classics to the pretenders, the quickies to the gourmet, so far I had the Gouda cheese burger at Pantry as my number one pick but it may have been just ousted by an outsider. The Outpost BYOB lies out of plain sight. A small sign board marks its existence at the outskirts of Lahore. Even Google Maps struggled to find it leading my car into a merry-go-round and racking up my Uber bill for the ride. Finally, I made my way down a small dirt road and found a horde of cars parked in front of a garden. A few lawn chairs and a horde of flies greeted me as I walked in. There is not much to go by but hey, at least there is a jumping castle for kids. My expectations fell even lower when a photocopied piece of paper and a pencil was handed to me by the server. Was I taking an exam that I was not aware of? Am I required to fill out a questionnaire for the right to eat at this establishment? Is this my will in case I die from a heart attack? As the name suggests, you get to build your own burger, something that I feel more restaurants should encourage. I regard myself something of a food connoisseur. I never seem to find the right combination of flavours for a burger on a preset menu. No frills on a frigate here. You tick the boxes and they make the burger. If it does not work, it is your fault as much as it is theirs. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] The Outpost's photocopied menu.[/caption] A single, medium beef patty with sautéed mushrooms, caramelised onions and tomatoes were my choice. Despite my huge reservations, I went with the honey mustard sauce based on a recommendation from a friend. I also ordered the chicken bites in buffalo sauce while I waited for the food. The chicken bites came quicker than they should have. Any time food is served to me before the required prep and cooking time, alarm bells start ringing in my head regarding the freshness of the food. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] Chicken bites in Buffalo sauce
Photo: Trip Advisor[/caption] As feared, the bites did little to tantalise the taste buds. The breading was bare, the chicken was not tender from the inside and the buffalo sauce lacked the punch of hot sauce with the buttery texture that one expects. The sauce seemed oily if anything. By this point, my expectations had plummeted but the sight of people flocking to this literal outpost still managed to keep me excited. What about this place is making huge crowds of people flock from the city to this newly developed area? The burger must be worth it. I even saw a celebrity walk in with his child; surely it was not just for the jumping castle. After what seemed like an eternity, the beast finally arrived and I jumped with joy. Now, I am not one to Instagram my food but the burger looked too good to not snap. Is this the moment I have been waiting for? I took a bite out of the french-fries to prepare me for the feast; nothing to complain but nothing to write home about either. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] My Creation.[/caption] And then it was time for the main event. The Wrestlemania of foods: a beef burger unabashed in its grandeur and a world of flavours packed between two buns. One bite and I was ready to hand over the championship belt to this eatery at the edge of town. From the simplicity of the streamlined process to the efficiency of the order; Outpost nailed it all! The most essential component to a beef burger is the patty. A lot of restaurants do not seem to get the meat right; the problem is either with the meat supplier, or the incorrect cooking temperature or the fact that the meat has been frozen and reheated too many times. Outpost got my meat temperature just right; slightly crispy on the outside with tender beef on the inside that gave a juicy flavour. The smokey texture of the beef perfectly complemented the toppings. The caramelised onions provided the sweetness and surprisingly the honey mustard sauce was also a winner. I was afraid it would overpower the other tastes as honey mustard sauce tends to usually do but there was a slight dabble of the sauce, just enough to balance the flavours. Within five minutes of being served, I had an empty plate and a happy tummy. The glutton in me wanted another one but for the sake of my heart I decided against it. All I know is that there is definitely a place I must necessarily stop by every time I go to Lahore. Not for the chicken bites or the jumping castle but for the chance to build my own dream burger. Outpost is in.

It is utterly preposterous to even try searching for the perfect beef burger. Much like life and art, a beef burger is not meant to be perfect. The true mark of a handcrafted burger is its imperfection. Just like snowflakes, no two handcrafted burgers are ever the same, thus the holy grail of a great burger joint lies in its consistency. The bread, the condiments and the beef, all mix differently to make each bite an experience. A beef burger entices our most basic instincts. It is the conquest of man over its hunt. A piece of meat of your choice, slaughtered, grilled and served with other savoury elements. A beef burger connects modern man with his earliest ancestors when the practise of grilling meat over fire started centuries ago. It is hard to re-imagine a beef burger. The strength of the burger lies in its simplicity. The beef has to be the conqueror; to be complemented by the rest but never overpowered. As any burger connoisseur will tell you, the key to the beef is the meat temperature. Too raw and it takes away from the rest of the burger. Too well done and the meat just lies there submissively surrendering to its sub-ordinates. The true kick of a burger comes from the perfectly grilled beef patty. A real chef would simply refuse to make you a well done beef burger. It is disappointing to see a lot of restaurants in Pakistan making it the standard variety. The offerings of mass producing fast food joints do not even count, but restaurants that follow their suit is a crime against food-kind. McDonald’s is not the standard a restaurant should aspire while cooking a beef burger. One should approach ordering beef burgers in Pakistan with much precaution. The menu is a reflection of the chef and the food is a conversation between the chef and the patron. Unfortunately, some restaurants do not even employ a chef and trust a line-cook to churn out orders on an assembly line. From the moment you walk in, Pantry seems different. A quaint café located on the edge of the crowded streets of Zamzama. Hidden away behind the glitz and glamour of flashier establishments, Pantry is unassuming in its appearance. A chalk board, bread baskets, some drawings and wooden chairs greet you as you walk in. The café looks like it is not only made out of wood and brick but also a love for food. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="600"] A quaint café located on the edge of the crowded streets of Zamzama.
Photo: Pantry Facebook page[/caption] One cursory glance at the menu and I was smitten by the Gouda burger. It consists of an eight ounce prime beef patty with tomatoes, pickled onions, rocket (Arugula) with Gouda cheese and a smoky chipotle aioli. The gouda is a less popular choice of cheese on a burger than the cheddar but the sweetness of the sauce can perfectly complement with a spicier burger sauce, or in this case the chipotle aioli. It is served on a slab of wood with a knife stabbed in to the heart of the burger further tantalising the base instincts. A small piece of pickle sits atop the beast and a side of sweet potato fries come with the meal. [caption id="" align="alignnone" width="567"] It is served on a slab of wood with a knife stabbed in to the heart of the burger further tantalising the base instincts.
Photo: Pantry Facebook page[/caption] The fluffiness of the home-baked poppy seed bun is a delight; the curves of the bread accentuating the burger and showing the handcrafted nature of the burger. The proof is always in the pudding as they say and it was time to take a bite. One bite in and you are glad the restaurant did not bother asking the customer for the preferred meat temperature. An eight-pound medium beef patty squeezed in between the buns surrounded by the condiments. The gouda cheese counteracts the chipotle aioli sauce allowing the meat to shine. The gouda burger has enough of a bite without necessarily being crunchy and provides enough of a kick in each bite. Each bite is slightly different with a different mix of the condiments, each looking for its moment of the shine. There is enough spot light on the onions, the sauce and the cheese without anything outshining the beef. The choice to stick to an eight-pound patty was a smart one by the restaurant. The weight of the beef is perfect for the size of the burger. A fulfilling experience without agonising over the last bite; it would truly be a waste to leave any of the burger on the plate, or the wooden slab in this case. The Gouda Burger at Pantry is imperfect but that is exactly what it is meant to be. It is a love letter from the chef to the patron. The right ingredients coming together at the right time to celebrate the conquest of man. My experience at Pantry was a perfect coming together of elements but my subsequent experiences are a testament to the fact that Pantry has managed to achieve the holy grail as well; consistency. The Gouda burger is consistently imperfect and brilliant, as a beef burger should be. Taste: Presentation: Ambiance: Service:

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The Gouda Burger at Pantry is imperfectly perfect